Just be her friend!

Do you remember when you were a little girl and all you wanted to do was be with girlfriends because boys had coodies - Well when did we change our mind? When did we start letting our boyfriends drive our relationships apart?



Now that you are single you may have found a new group of girl friends, rekindled old relationships, or just strengthed those that were already there. Many of these friends could be in the same place you are - SINGLE!  No matter what, you've found a group to comfort you when you are sad, go out with you when you want to play, or just hang when all else fails. Now what happens when you meet that next guy, or when they meet that next guy?

I've asked you to start playing the game, find your friends, be silly and learn to love yourself. We've talked about how your girls can help you through all this, but we haven't about how to keep yourself from falling back into your old ways and forgetting about your friends. So today you are going to learn how I went from being very depressed to a happy girl!

I dated a guy who did everything possible to pull me away from my friends - he didn't want them to tell me certain things so he lied, embelished the truth and did everything possible to make me question my girlfriends' loyalty. He then took it a step further and tried to turn them on me. He would tell them things I said when I was hurt and just needing to vent, or would even tell them lies. He wanted me to only be around him and the people he picked for me (controlling). Now I was crazy in love (or whatever you want to call it) and started to believe everything he said. Because of that, I lost a lot of great friends. I pushed them away, and then they grew tired of trying to help me. Once I lost them I was alone and thought this boyfriend was the only one I could turn to. I was lost and sad and alone. Without my friends to keep my in check and do the things I love to do I started to lose my identity. Not only did this make me sad in general but it kept me in the relationship longer than I should have been. I was so afraid that I would have noone if I left him that I stuck it out even when I knew I shouldn't have.

Luckily for me I had a few wonderful people who never really left. When they saw me hit rock bottom they were there. I will never forget driving through the mountains of NC - on my home from a weekend at the lake with him and a few friends he approved of. My girl friend looked at me on that car ride home and said "you deserve better." She didn't say anything else for a very long time (4 hour car ride) until I finally broke down. That was the turning point in my mind - not in my actions. It wasn't until I saw that other friends were starting to call more often and I was making more of an effort that I realized I didn't need him and I couldn't be without a boyfriend (I wasn't alone).

Now I have a ton of girlfriends who I love and adore. Some are friends from the past, some are new, and then there are those that never left. I learned an extremely important lesson from all this. A friendship is a relationship and it is up to you to make it last. Don't stop calling just because they said no to your invitation 30 times. And if you realize that you are saying no that many times, say yes at least once. She probably needs you and that boy will wait. Make a pact with your girl friends to never let a guy drive you apart and respect her choices. It's not your life and you may not always know what is best for her - even if you don't like the guy let her love him. We are stubborn creatures who have to learn from our mistakes so let her make those mistakes. My friends had to let me, they warned and pleaded but I had to figure it out for myself.

Slassy Movie List

Ok ladies - I have been telling you stories of me and my Slassy Ladies and it's ok to read things, but if you are like me then you are visual learner. I have to see something before I believe it. So here is a list of my movie suggestions!!

Each of these talks about the importance of friends, being yourself, and the living the Slassy way. So on the next rainy day grab a movie your girls and enjoy!

Oh and if you have any great Slassy movies - let me know!!!

Crazy Dates

The craziest thing about dating is that each date is so different from the next. Just when you think you have the game and the dating world figured out someone pulls the rug out from underneath you. Each of us Slassy Ladies has had some very interesting dates, but one tops them all - Match.com guy.

One bored, silly, drunk night two of the Slassy Ladies thought it would funny to join Match.com. Well needless to say it works - you will find a date if you join. Within the first few days of joining, "crazy slassy" had a slew of emails. True to programs promise "crazy slassy" had a date - for the sake of his dignity we are going to call him "internet boy." The two hit it off and were having a blast. The first few dates were awesome, however he had this weird thing about not always paying (first sign that he was weird - don't get me wrong you shouldn't be a moocher - but a true gentleman will pay. You can offer after the first few dates). It wasn't until one Sunday afternoon "internet boy" asked "crazy slassy" to join him and his cousin for Sunday drinks. The three of them were just chilling and enjoying each other’s company until "internet boy" boy left for the bathroom. At that time, "cousin" begin to tell "crazy slassy" how awful "internet boy" was. "Cousin" stated that "internet boy" was a womanizer, cheater, and that he was not a good guy. Well "crazy slassy" was freaked out - why would "internet boy's" cousin bash him? It wasn't until they left the bar that "crazy slassy" figured it out. "Cousin" came up to "crazy slassy" and tried to make out with her. Of course she stopped him and was like "what just happened."

The next morning "crazy slassy" tried to understand why this would have happened. She thought that maybe "cousin" had had just a little too much to drink and didn't know what he was doing. Sadly that was not the case. "Cousin" knew what he had done and asked "crazy slassy" to keep her mouth shut. Lucky for him, "crazy slassy" kept her mouth shut, but needless to say that was the end of "internet boy" and Match.com for that matter.

So don't worry if you have a few bad dates, they make us appreciate the great ones. Just laugh it off with you girls and get ready for the next. Hey, it could be worse!

What's the Rush

My fortune cookie stated "He who hurries cannot walk with dignity." This made me think - what's the rush with life. Why are we always trying to grow up, get to the weekend, FIND THE NEW BOYFRIEND? Why can't just be happy in the moment and enjoy what we have right now.

Have you ever sat down and thought about who you want to date - looks, personality, everything. When I was a little girl I had the perfect guy picked out - not someone I knew or a movie star, but my dream man. Now how many of you have dated that guy? NOT ME. I've never even dated a guy that looks like my dream man, much less had the characteristics. I've spent my life worrying about being in a relationship that I didn't really think about who I was dating and if they were what I REALLY wanted. Don't get me wrong, I've dated some very cute guys who were very very kind, but I was so caught up in the moment and what I thought they could be, that I forgot to look at who they really were. I wanted to speed up the process.

Well now I'm slowing down. Each day is a new day and I am enjoying life in the moment. The hardest thing for me was living in the present. When I was in my serious relationship - yes I was in a relationship for 7 years - I was so busy worrying about what we were going to do next, or when we were going to get engaged, married, and so forth that I stressed about everything. I forgot to live in the present. It probably caused a lot of fight (ok I know it caused a lot of fights) and I stopped being happy with what I was doing.

Not anymore - now I'm just enjoying life. I've found that if I live for the moment then I enjoy life a lot more. The dating world can be fun, yes scary, but fun. When you see that cute guy for the first time and he says HELLO. The tickle in the stomach and the giddiness you feel is amazing. But you will only feel these things if you live for today. So stop trying to speed up the process - you will get married one day if that is what you want - and just be happy with what you have right now. Tomorrow it's gone and you can't get that time or those feelings back. Be patient and really think about the next guy that comes your way. Is he really what you want or is it that you just want to be in a relationship?

Be yourself to find true love!

Just last night I asked you a question "Do you want to play the field or are you happy being single?" This made me think - why do we assume that we have to date someone or be with someone to be happy. What about all those people who never marry, aren't they happy? We are told from the time we are little girls to find our prince charming, but why? What is this constant fear of being alone? Oh, trust me I have them and don't want to be alone - but I'm curious as to why we feel this way.

I can remember being in high school thinking that I had to have a boyfriend to fit into the status quo. If you didn't get flowers on Valentine's then you weren't pretty enough or something was wrong with you. Even in College, I spent my entire college life dating someone because I thought that I had to. Now this is not something that someone told me and it was not encouraged by my parents (my mother always wanted me to be single and just live) but I had this idea in my head that I had to be with someone to be accepted. I know weird, but I wonder if any of you have ever felt this way?

Just now I have discovered that I am a much happier person than I have been in a long time and I'm single. So I guess I'm breaking the status quo. I'm a young single girl who is happy!!!! The reason I'm happy is because I have learned to accept myself for who I am and I'm not looking for someone to fill a void - I filled that void by being myself. Now I would love to meet the perfect guy (my prince charming) but I'm not out there taking anyone who comes my way just because I think it’s what I have to do. I'm going to wait and find the guy that fits, no longer am I going to make him fit!

My advice to you is that you need to learn to love yourself for who you are. Surround yourself with people who let you be yourself and stop trying to fit a mold or make someone fit your mold. Just live and enjoy everything you do. If you want to be alone - great, but if you don't then I can promise you he will come. It may not be tomorrow or next month, but if you are patient that perfect guy who accepts you for you will come around!

Freedom

I've asked you to go out and start playing the game, but I forgot to ask one very important question - DO YOU WANT TO PLAY THE FIELD?

Ok ladies, it's fine to go out there and look for the new catch but how many of you are tired of looking and just want to be free and do your own thing!!
Tonight I am out with three of my favorite ladies, each of us are in a very different place in our lives but we all share one common bond - we love each other. One of the ladies is in love and thinks she may marry this guy, the second has dated the same guy for years and finally I think they realize they are meant to be. The third lady is just like me - we are out having fun taking any young man that comes our way - so long as he meets our standards-well at least some. The best thing about this group is that we accept one another and love each other for who we are.

So here is what I'm asking you to do. Find your girls, plan a beach weekend and go for it. Don't set an agenda, so let the dance party happen and be happy. Remember you don't have to date someone to be happy - just be happy for who you are- remember we are little girls at heart!!!!

Too Many Boys, but one valuable lesson

Well, there seems to be a persistent argument as to whether or not a girl should ask out a guy or wait for him to pursue. So here is my conclusion - do whatever makes you happy. If you get turned down, then oh well - at least you tried and now you don't have to spend your time wondering if he is going to ask you out, just move on to the next guy. And if you wait - good for you, just don't wait around too long. Remember guys will go after something they want. stop making excuses for him (the Slassy Ladies have used them all) just move on. Who knows, maybe once you're gone, he will decide he likes you after all and come find you!

Now back to our story. Last time I shared with you the story of one of my first "group dates," but now we come to the time where us Slassy Ladies were hit with multiple guys asking us out and we weren't sure what to do. Some of these guys were ones we met out on the town, in the grocery store, and lord knows where. But some of the others were men from our past, or friends who had never made a move. So through this story I hope you will learn to just have fun with the game.

 So one of the Slassy Ladies had a birthday! (One thing that you should know is that Birthdays are a big deal here at the Slassy House - I mean big deal) So all of us girls doll up and get ready for the town with a little dinner, with some dancing and great music. Well everything was going the way it should. Birthday girl was happy, all the other Slassy Ladies were meeting guys and we were having the time of our lives! Out of the blue Birthday girl meets a guy, "Blondie" and boy is he cute. The next thing I know, they have hit it off and are having great time. That is until this other young man walks in to the party "re-run." Now "re-run" and “birthday girl” haven't really hung out that much, he is a mutual friend, but "re-run" has a thing for "birthday girl" and refuses to admit to it. But when he walks in to the party and sees "Blondie" with "birthday girl, "re-run" is ready to show "birthday girl" how much he cares. Now of course "birthday girl" is just having a little fun and is not looking for drama – I mean what is she supposed to do - torn between two men and she has no idea if either one truly likes her. From someone who was watching it all happen, I must say it was quite amusing seeing these two fellows begging for her attention. If one would leave her the side, the other was quick to swoop in. But this got old, fast, and since drinks were involved we were just waiting for things between the boys to get heated. Luckily her Slassy Ladies were there to jump in and take her home. There could have been a little drama, possibly tears, and what girl needs that on her birthday. So we learned a valuable lesson. If you are seeing multiple people - you better make sure only one knows your plans for the evening. Otherwise, they may all end up in the same place! If they do, you better have a back-up plan!

But no matter what - remember - Girls just want to have fun!



So go out, have some fun with your girls, meet all sorts of guys, then share some of your stories with me!!!

A Big Question

So how are those dates going? I'm sure you all have some pretty interesting stories by now, if not don't worry it will come. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually someone will ask you out.

Now that leads to a questions I have for all of you. In this post I want to jump to current times. I've shared with you how the Slassy Ladies got over our X's and the steps we took to get "back in the game" but now we are having a debate. The question at hand is "should a girl approach a guy or should she wait for the guy to approach her" Now I know we live in modern times where it’s acceptable for the husband to stay at home and the wife to work. But is it really ok for a girl to ask out a guy? The Slassy House is torn. Some say of course, others say no - girls should be pursued.

So what do you think?