Do you know what it is that you want to do with the rest of your life? Do you have your 5 year plan?
If so, good for you! If not, don't worry - most of us don't. But I want to write this blog specifically for those you who think you have it all figured out!
There was once a girl who had it all figured it out. She knew exactly who she wanted to marry, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life, knew how many kids she was going to have, where she was going to live - everything was planned. Life was going exactly the way she wanted. Whenever a road block came along she fixed it, smoothed everything out and went along her merry way. If people didn't follow her plan she moved them to the side and found people that would. She THOUGHT her life was great. It wasn't until she realized she had missed out on life and the suprise adventures that she realized she wasn't happy. She was doing everything possible to find happiness, while the whole time it was right in front of her. She just refused to accept it and live.
I'm telling you these things not to make you change your plans, but I just want you to make sure your living life to the fulliest. It's easy to be the person you think everyone wants you to be, but is that the person that you meant to be?
So for right now I'm not going to tell you a story or give you an example. I just want you to think about your life. Are you living it for yourself and are you happy? If you can't find happiness in the things that you are doing is it really what you were meant to do?
Have you ever felt crazy because you weren’t in a relationship?
Has anyone ever made you feel bad about yourself because you weren’t ready to be married?
I ask you these questions because one of the youngest Slassy Ladies is currently dealing with these things. Baby Slassy is only 23 years old; however her best friend is currently engaged and will soon be married. You may remember when the first of your girl friends took the plunge and got hitched.Everyone seems to get wedding fever and if you don’t you feel weird, left out, and sometimes lonely. But should you?
Baby Slassy was once in a wonderful relationship with a great guy, however there seemed to be something missing. Baby Slassy wanted more than her boyfriend could give her so they parted ways and she continued to date other guys. In the meantime her best friend was in a serious relationship with the same young man who she had been dating since she was 16 years old. Now he was quite a bit older, 21, and a bit mature considering he is the military. Baby Slassy’s best friend is now engaged to this man, however she has sacrificed a lot of things to be with him – she missed her senior prom and almost skipped her high school graduation, and has never kissed another man. Now Baby Slassy’s best friend is 22 and will soon be married. She’s happy and ready for marriage however she believes that Baby Slassy should be focused on marriage as well, but she isn’t. Instead she is out there living life with the belief that everything happens for a reason. Baby Slassy is trying to figure out what type of a man she wants to be with. “It’s just like a pair of jeans. Some fit better than others and some may look right on you but not on others.”
We tell people to be independent, however many people believe that you can’t live a fulfilled and happy life, unless you get married. Baby Slassy is a college graduate, fully employed, living debt free and single – isn’t that something to proud of and excited about? Why does society push people to get married when they aren’t ready? Why do friends feel as though they have to do everything together and at the same time?
There are no two people just alike. We all have to live our own lives, making our own decisions and mistakes. Sometimes those things may happen at the same time as others around us, but often they will happen at very different moments and that’s ok.
You may have found your perfect pair of jeans or maybe your still looking. But remember, just because they are perfect for you, doesn’t mean that they will be right for you friends!!!
Have you ever felt so consumed with projects and obligations that you started to feel as though your life was spinning out of control, the weight of the world was on your shoulders and you were missing out on everything?
Well that's where I am right now. Don't get me wrong, I have a great time with the things that I am involved in and I love everything that I do - however I'm not sure if I'm doing them because I'm afraid of being free and having free time or if I'm doing them for the right reasons.
Now you may be asking yourself what does this have to do with being single - A LOT.
In one of the first few blogs I told you to go out there and just live, do things that you had never done before, start your bucket list. So if you are following my advice or have done this on your own accord, you may be involved in various different things. You may have joined a board or a young professionals group. Maybe you joined a bible study, became active in a book club, or maybe you joined everything and anything you've ever wished you had joined.
BUT ARE YOU HAPPY
I've always been the overactive, extremely involved and too committed girl. Shoot I remember one time in college I was a cheerleader, staring in a play, working, holding down 21 credit hours, serving as a VP in my sorority and still trying to have a life (well we all know that wasn't happening). I had become so involved, that I couldn't live for me or in the moment. Everylittle moment of my life was planned and I feel as though I missed out – actually I know I missed out on a lot of crazy adventures. When I graduated college I felt a void and had to find new activities, so I invested myself in my ex, his life, and things he loved (this is not a good idea). It wasn't until he moved away that I realized I needed to get my own life - so I did.
When I became single, I went crazy thinking I had all this free time and increased all my commitments and obligations to things I had joined. Why did I do this? If I'm honest it's because I'm afraid of the free time. I'm afraid of sitting at home with nothing to do. In other words I'M AFRAID. I'm so afraid of being alone that I find projects or people who need help and try to fix their issues. I do this because, yes I like to help others, but in all reality, I know that if I'm consumed with someone else and their issues, I don't have to focus on mine.
You can live like this for so long and then you start letting others down. Just the other day I did just that, I let a lot of people down. I am so consumed in my commitments and promises to do things or be someone, that when I need time to just relax, live in the moment, or do nothing, I end up hurting others.
So why am I telling you all this. I want you to be aware of what can happen if you don't limit yourself and deal with your insecurities of being alone. Eventually your body will say stop, your mind will want to be free and you will have to give up some of your commitments. If you don't want to hurt those around you then know your limits and only promise what you know you can do. In other words - learn to say NO.
People are going to ask you to sign up and do everything under the sun, especially if they know you are single (“I mean what else do you have to do - it's not like you have a family” Have you ever heard that). Well if you have and they are asking you to do something that you are not 100 percent committed to, say no - otherwise you will hate yourself and in the end whatever you said yes to won't be a great as it could have been.
So yes, go out there a live your life. But do so living for the things that you love and you’re passionate about. Be willing to say NO and don't forget to give yourself time to rest, breathe and live in the moment. A dear friend once told me, “you can’t always be perfect and do everything for everyone” so stop trying and just live for you.
Why do we hide our true feelings and make it difficult for a man to know what we think or want?
Just the other day I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine. He's an interesting character - sweet, charming, handsome, a catch except he isn't ready to be caught. He's out living his life, growing up, figuring out who he really is and what he really wants. There's just one problem - the girls keep falling for him. These are very good girls who see a guy that seems to have it together and they fall, knowing they shouldn't. He's not the kind that wants to hurt another person, however just like most guys he can't read between the lines. He's not listening to the underlining words; instead he's listening to exactly what the girl is telling him (the false truth). In the end he's doing exactly what he doesn't want to do - making a girl fall in love with him when he can't love her back, therefore breaking her heart.
I spent 3 hours in the car last night thinking about this conversation. If the girl had been telling me this story I would have deemed the guy an ASS. I would have thought - "You knew she was falling for you and you were too selfish to look past your own wants and desires to see what you were doing" "How could you not see the signs, really?" To be honest, this is what was going through my head while I was talking to the guy. The weird thing about this conversation is that for some reason I couldn't get it out of my head. The time he was telling me these things I could see the confusion in his face. He even asked me to write out exactly what a girl means when she says or does something. In other words he wanted a guide book to women!!!
So during this car ride I asked myself - why do we make it so difficult for guys to truly understand what we want or think? Why are we afraid to tell them the truth - I LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO DATE YOU. No, I don't want to be just friends, and if that's all you want then I can't do this. No, I will not sleep with you unless you want to date me and only me.
In an earlier post I mentioned that the Slassy Ladies LOVE birthdays!!!! In a week, one of the ladies will celebrate her birthday and we have been heavy in preparation. As we were reminiscing about some of our past parties, we remembered a very unique story/birthday gift:
The Slassy Ladies moved into house earlier this year, so we had to set up all the necessary utilities - one of those being Security. So it was a mid Saturday morning, early in the spring (just when it starts to get warm) and I was in a cleaning mood! Now when I clean I like to dress in my little shorts and sports bra - with my hair up on my head. Now if I know/remember someone is coming I will put a little more on, but on this day I forgot the CPI guy was coming. So here I am jamming out to my Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood elbows deep in cleaning supplies when the doorbell rings. At first I thought it was one of the girls who had forgotten their key, so I just ran over to the door and pulled it wide open. There standing before me was this very cute young man who looked shell shocked (I don't think he was expecting such a "cheerleader"). He just stood there and I just stood there shocked for a good minute and then finally I said "How can I help you?" He pulled it together to tell me that he was with CPI and there to connect our security.
Well 45 minutes later one of the girls shows up and sees that the CPI guy is here and looks at me and just laughs. He proceeds to ask for my number, just in case he forgot to tell us anything - gullible me believes him. But before he leaves he notices that we have a deer head hanging in our living room wall. Curious, he asks why 4 girls have a deer head mounted on their wall. "Because we have a Mallard Ball (which is a cameo party) for my birthday this weekend - you should come." He said he would think about it and heads out the door.
2 days later one of the Slassy Ladies pulls into the drive way and sees something on our porch, but she can't make out what it is. As she walks up to the door she is startled because she is staring at a mounted deer head with a big ol' birthday bow and a card that says "Happy Birthday Leah Beth."
About an hour later I show up at home and when I walk in the door, my roommate who found the deer head just looks at me and shakes her head. I'm a little confused but walk into my room to see a deer head laying my bed. I have no idea where this came from or who would give it to me until I open and card see that it is from CPI guy!
Now I know you are thinking - REALLY. But I have to be honest and tell you this is probably the best birthday gift I have ever received. It was funny, creative, and it showed he was paying attention. CPI guy knew we were having a CAMEO themed party and so he wanted to add to the decorations. To this day the deer head is still in our house - not the living room - the attic!
So be careful ladies - you know never know what you may get from a guy who wants to take you on a date - if your cards right, you may end up with a deer head as well!!!!!!
So just this past weekend the Slassy girls and I decided to take off to the beach!!! Even though we have been out of middle school for a very long time, we realized that no matter how old you get, some things never change - and maybe that's not a bad thing.
So Taken Slassy has a wonderful man who invited us to join him and his friends at the beach. Of course there were 3 girls and 3 boys in one house and taken Slassy in her normal manner, decided to play matchmaker. Throughout the weekend Taken Slassy would tell us girl’s one thing while her man would tell the boys different things.
At dinner on Saturday night the girls went to the bathroom (and of course we had to go together). While we were in the bathroom, Taken Slassy started telling us who likes who and "the scoop" while her man was telling the boys the exact same thing but in man terms - "you’re in, now just don't screw it up." When the Slassy's returned to the table you could tell that something had changed; there was a since of confidence in the air. However that silly nervous feeling combined with girly giggling was also there.
On our way home from the restaurant the boys’ rode in one car while the girls went in the other (why do we always have to spilt up - boys on one side, girls on the other). This type of behavior continued on into the night. The girls all grouped into one corner to talk, dance and just be silly while the guys stayed in the other playing games, shooting the shit and doing whatever it is that guys do. Luckily there is always that one friend who realizes how awkward and weird this situation has become. Taken Slassy and her man decided to put a stop to this and make sure that each person in the house found a "date."
Eventually their evil plan worked, one slassy found herself on the beach while the other hid away in the room -"7 minutes in heaven" can happen anywhere - who needs a closet! Of course we couldn't just leave it be, the girls have to find each other and discuss every detail of the night and what we thought about the guys, what the future might hold, and just giggle.
It wasn't until the next day, when the Slassy ladies were walking down the beach that this realization hit us. Will middle school ever end and should it? Everything that happened that weekend was silly, fun and adventurous. We let ourselves act like kids and just live. Taken Slassy found herself playing matchmaker, her favorite role, while the rest of us let her do it, without questioning her methods. But is this not what really happens every day? How many times have you tried to set your friends up, you will tell them almost anything just to get them to at least spend a little time together? So why not just accept the fact that we are all kids at heart and if we just let it be and stop worrying about everything else we can have a great weekend!
How do you open your heart to someone once you've been hurt?
This is the question I'm currently asking myself. I don't have answers in this post. I have a story - but there is no conclusion.
Next week marks the year anniversary of my single life and in this past year I have learned more about myself, met some amazing people and have had a blast. The only thing that is missing is that I'm afraid to love, because I'm afraid of being hurt. I've become my own worse enemy.
Just the other day I had a very close friend tell me that I don't trust people. If you know me then you must realize how much this hurt, but it's the truth. I love people and I give people the benefit of a doubt - well everyone except those that I would want to date. If you are someone I might date and if there is any chemistry between us then I'm going to push you away. We can be friends and talk about your life all you want, but if you try to get close to me then I'm going to run as fast as I can. I'm not proud of this, and I really didn't even realize I was doing this until a little less than a month ago.
I was hanging out with a guy that I adore - he is handsome, kind, caring, dependable, fun, silly (you get the point) - we had been hanging out for a while and every time he tried to get close I did something to put up a boundary. One day he made a joke about being a "bad boyfriend" and before he could even finish the sentence I shot back "you are not my boyfriend so don't even worry." Why did I have to say anything? The look on his face was heartbreaking - he looked confused, nervous, and shocked all at the same time. Once again I dug a grave. I shot down a great guy for no reason expect my fear of being hurt.
I don't want to be that girl. I'm not bitter and I'm not mad at my ex. I'm just scared. Some people say that I haven't met the right guy, because if I had he wouldn't let me go. But to be honest, I think they are just trying to make me feel better. I've met some wonderful men over the past year, but I've never really given them a chance to love me because I refuse to let down my guard. You can only push someone away for so long before he leaves for good.
So now I have a question for you all - How do I learn to open my heart and trust?
One of my favorite things about being single is all the silly random adventures I've been able to partake in!!! Yes, you can still do these things when you are in a relationship - but let's be honest - have you ever turned down something that sounded like a lot of fun because you didn't want to leave your boy or you didn't think he would want you to do it - especially if you are in a not so healthy relationship? Well, now that you are single you don't have to worry about anyone expect yourself - so it's time to get SILLY and live for the moment!!!!!
This past January "Cruisin Slassy" and I took a trip around the Caribbean!!! The only I reason I was able to go on this trip is because "Cruising Slassy" and her ex ended things 2 months before they were supposed to start their travel. She needed someone to fill the spot and I was the single friend who said pick me!!!!
I have to tell you, this was the trip of the year. There was nothing holding us back, no one to check in with, we both could be free and do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and talk to whoever we wanted (yes, I'm aware of the run-on sentence but I wanted you to understand how free and excited we were). Everything about this trip was amazing; the food, the people the adventures, the sites, everything.
The highlight of the trip happened the next to the last night on the boat. We had just left Jamaica and were headin home. "Cruisin Slassy" and I weren't ready for the fun to be over so we started talking and decided what better way to end a great vacation that to throw a bar crawl on a cruise ship!!!!. So we did - We began our adventure at our favorite place with our favorite bar tender. In the beginning it was just 4 of us, but 8 bars later our little plan had turned into a 40 person deep bar crawl. All we did was have a little fun, make a plan and invite anyone to join. We even asked an 80 year old rancher, who joined us for one drink (I think his wife had more fun than him). Everyone was and everyone seemed to have a blast. It was a great time and success that people old and young were telling us that this event was the highlight of the cruise ship activities. Even the Cruise Director asked us how we pulled this off. Needless to say it was one silly adventure that I will never forget!
I wanted to share this story with you because you can have fun and be silly and crazy at any point with any person. Just grab a girlfriend or 5 and live. You don't need to sit at home and wait around for someone. You will have a blast if you just go out there and live your life with no inhibitions. Take advantage of every situation. If you put yourself out there you may find a little luck and a new adventure. So the next time one of your girlfriends or you has the desire to do something crazy - like throw a bar crawl on cruise ship - go for it. You may just end up having one of the best nights of your life!
Go be a Rockstar and act SILLY - the only person stopping you is YOU!
VICTIM: apersonwhoisdeceivedorcheated,asbyhisorherownemotionsorignorance, or bythedishonestyofothers
When you start your SINGLE adventure is easy to play the role of the victim (shoot many people do this while they are in a relationship); "my ex was so awful - look at all the mean things he did to me, I'll never be the same because of him, He ruined my life" and so forth. We've all thought these things and said them to someone at some point, but eventually it has to stop. You’re SINGLE not dead. Your life is not over - heck in my opinion this is just the beginning!!! Maybe he was an asshole, but guess what - you don't have to deal with him ever again, so stop talking about him.
Now that you've moved, on its time to figure out how you never get in yourself in that situation again; the unhappy relationship where you feel victimized. So let's break down victim:
1) A person who is deceived or cheated: If someone cheats on you leave his ass as fast as possible. If you ignore it or take him back, you are allowing this action to continue. Don't give me lip or excuses on how he's changed. 1 out of ever 100 may change, and your boyfriend is probably not that one. YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON, only that person can change and they have to want to do it, not for you but for them. If you take that cheater back and he cheats on you again - you are not a victim you are just crazy (I was that crazy girl - so I'm speaking from experience)
2) Asbyhisorherownemotionsorignorance: Girls, we tend to do this often. I know we all want to have the love story that you see in the movies - shoot give me Channing Tatum in Dear John any day. If we catch even the smallest glimpse of that dream we take ever other action, word, and look that poor boy does to mean more than it is. We make ourselves believe that our love story is coming true and then we fall head over heels for that guy, when he really wasn't thinking or trying to give off that vibe. He was just getting to know you, and did you really let him see the true you in 3 dates (I don't think so). Don't drop everything right away, make him work for it just a little. Sleeping with him on the first date is not going to make him stay with you - ask most guys. Don't let your emotions screw it up. Be the strong, fun, independent woman you were meant to be!
3) By thedishonestyofothers:If someone tells you they are going to do something and they don't, you can get upset and be mad. I know we like to make excuses for the guys, but they don't need excuses. If a guy really likes you and tells you he is going to do something or be somewhere - he will be there!! Don't let him off the hook - its one thing if he lets you know that something came up, but if this starts to be the norm, stop wasting your time and move on. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering if your boyfriend or husband is going to make it to your dinner reservations?
Here's the thing
DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM!!!!
You don't have to be the victim. It takes two people to make the relationship work and if you aren't happy then get out. Don't stay with someone who doesn't keep his word, or who makes you wonder if they really like you. You should never question your self-worth with the man you love. He will tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are if you allow yourself to find the right guy. I want to encourage you to stop dating the guy you normally date - try someone completely different and see what happens. Sometimes we get in the way of love. We are so busy trying to find it that we really don't know what it is. STOP and just live. If something bad happens during a date get over it and move on
We've all heard the song - "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
But how many of you have actually experienced the true drama in this song - probably all of us!
WHY?
Why is it that the men we love decide to leave and then return? We talked about why they leave in the last post, but why do they come back. I’m not talking about a fling; I’m talking about an actual boyfriend. Now this is not the case for all men, sometimes they are gone for good, but what about those that seem to never leave you alone. Just when you've picked up the pieces of your life and are ready to love again - they show up. This guy will say all the right things, be extremely romantic and often give you everything you ever thought you wanted. But will it last or will he just disappear in a couple months?
Remember ladies, I was in a 7 year relationship, however those 7 years were on again and then off. One moment he loved me and wanted to marry me, the next he was ready to move on. This is not a place you want to be, first you start losing confidence in yourself (why does he keep leaving, what did I do wrong, how can I change) and if and when he does return, you may try to change and become what you THINK he wants. Now we've got big trouble (you are no longer your true self, the person he fell in love with, the person you are best at being). If you can't love who you are and be proud of your identity and characteristics - why should he?
I completely forgot who I was; my mother looked at me one day and said "can I please have my daughter back." I just wanted to be with my Ex - at all cost. I will never forget the summer we graduated from college. I finally ended it with him (or so I thought), we did not communicate for a good 2 months. Now this is the longest we had ever been on a break so I started to think he was gone, but I don't know if I was ready for him to be gone for good. Randomly I would see a text message from him and I would send a message back. Or if I was sad/drunk/whatever I would send something to him. He was my comfort and I was his - it was easy (yea right).
So needless to say we ended up getting back together. He took to me wonderful restaurants, sent me flowers, said the most wonderful things and even brought me jewelry. Yes, I was a sucker and said oh he has changed and now we can finally be together. Let’s just say that didn't work - In the end he never changed. At first he did, that is until he realized he had me. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t easy for him. I didn't trust him and anything he did I questioned – I didn’t trust him. We could never find that solid foundation that is so important in relationships. He knew he was always going to screw up and I was waiting for the bottom to drop out like always. So after two years of a decent try it ended for good - and I have to be honest I am very happy it did. I now love who I am and everything about me!
So why did this keep happening - why did he keep coming back?
I didn't want to speculate, I really wanted to know why guys do this so I asked around. (I did not ask my ex - we aren't on those kinds of speaking terms - remember the wedding story). Well here is what the guys say:
"I left because I wanted to get some from somewhere else and then realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I knew she still had feelings and I wouldn't have to work as hard to get back with her. If she takes me back, now I know I have the upper hand and my confidence is pretty strong"
"I'm going back to what was good, I realized I messed up and needed to fix my mess"
"I may want her again, but I really just need to say I'm sorry"
"I left because I knew there were things about me I needed to fix t, now that those things are good I'm ready to take that next step with her"
"It was easy, she's comfortable, and it’s a great way to stay occupied until something else turns up - hey I may even realize she's the one"
And last but not least a wise man said:
"Guys don't always change, the relationship is going to go back to the way it was before. The same things that drove him away the first time will probably happen again. The girl shouldn't take him back - if she does she's just allowing him to do as he pleases without thinking of her. If he really wanted her, he wouldn't have left"
So there you have it ladies - You don't have to take him back, even if your heart is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it may not be. Or, he may be one of the good ones who just needed to fix his own life before bringing someone else into it. No matter what, I think you need to have a true "come to Jesus meeting" and ask those hard questions: Did he make me a better person? Do I really love him or do I just love being in a relationship? Are we better friends than a couple? And so forth - you know what you need to ask.
Please remember - don't get mad at men, there are women who act this exact same way. I wanted to be with my EX because he was comfortable, I didn't have to try and figure him out, but I wasn't a better person and I wasn't happy. It takes two to make a relationship work.
So go out there and know that if HE does come back - you will survive if you say NO!!!!
Have you ever met someone who one moment was all about you and the next gone?
Well you are not alone, it seems as though this happens quite often to all types of women. The question is WHY? Why is it that guys will leave without any warning or excuse - they are just gone?
This has happened to me many times throughout this past year. I'll go on a few dates with a guy, think things are great and moving forward, then all of sudden he will stop calling or contacting me. He is GONE. Just the other day I was talking to a girl friend of mine who was and confused and upset. She had met this wonderful guy who really seemed to be interested in her. They talked on the phone almost every day and spent 2 to 3 days a week together, just having fun and getting to know one another. This was going on for a good 3 to 4 weeks when all of sudden the phone calls stopped. Text message responses became very short and concise. He would sometimes return calls or sometimes he would "forget" or "be tied up." Eventually she stopped trying and just let him go. Nothing changed between them, there were no signs that he wasn't happy, he was just gone.
This puzzled me because it happens so often to all types of girls. I decided to would ask the source (MEN), why do you just disappear with no warning? After polling all sorts of guys I have a found a common theme and ladies you aren't going to like it, but it's what they say. Are you ready?
HE JUST WASN’T THAT INTO YOU
(Hey, isn't there a book/movie with this title)
According to one source "someone else came along who caught my eye and she seemed a little more fun and challenging." Now don't start hating men, because let's be honest - we ladies do the exact same thing. We may not do it as often, or we may not be as short with our answers as the men folk, but you can't tell me you have never talked to two guys at once and eventually cut ties with one of them, if not both for no apparent reason.
Here's the thing. If you are talking to a guy and he stops putting in the effort, then you should know he may not be that into you. If a man wants to be with you he will make the effort to talk to you and be with you. I know it's hard to let go of someone, especially if you really thought there was something special. But just remember, you deserve the world and there is a wonderful man out there who will give you exactly what you need. Don't settle for someone who is only sometimes there; find someone who is ALWAYS there!!!
There is an age old question that has been debated for years: Can a girl and a boy be friends?
The other day I was having a conversation with "Mr. Trouble" pertaining to this exact topic. "Trouble" is a ladies’ man - he has many women that would like to date him, but he is living the dream. To quote him "why buy a cow when you can have the milk for free" in other words why settle for one girl when you can have them all!! But can this way of life last?
How many of you girls have been around a guy that you like, knowing that he does not want to be in a relationship, but you still hang around. You tell yourself that if you are his friend and he sees how wonderful you are then of course he will fall in love with you. Does this work - sometimes but it comes at a very high risk. This can backfire and fast.
So "Mr. Trouble" made it clear to "Miss Hopeful" that all he wanted was friendship; maybe a little cuddling here and there but nothing serious. Of course, "Miss Hopeful" says that this is all she wants as well, and maybe that was the case at first, but "Mr. Trouble" is a charmer, and "Miss Hopeful" didn't have a chance. The more they hung out the more she began to like him and the harder she falls. I'm sure she kept telling herself to stay strong and he would turn around, but like most men "Mr. Trouble" doesn't see the signs. He thinks everything is normal and she is just being a cool fun girl. Well as with most drunk nights, things that you don't plan on happening HAPPEN. Two friends of the opposite sex find themselves alone and in a place where it can go to the next level or not. Nine times out of ten it’s going to that level. The level where most girls become attached (remember there is an exception to every rule).
This night happens and now "Miss Hopeful" wants a relationship and "Mr. Trouble" isn't ready. In his mind it’s not his fault that she is now attached. He made it clear from the beginning that all he wanted was friendship. "Miss Hopeful" was the one to break the rules, she fell for him, and now she is hurt. So once again I ask, can a girl and a boy just be friends?
I say no if there is any type of an attraction. Guys don't understand boundaries and girls think with their emotions. Something that is casual and fun can quickly turn serious for one party and not the other. When this happens someone gets hurt. Now, as I said before there is an exception to ever rule. If that girl is adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship - this can be for various reasons: she is healing from a past relationship, focused on her career and only her career, or knows she is leaving the area soon - then this friendship may work. But for the most part this relationship is dangerous.
If that girl and that guy have no attraction to one another then I think the friendship can work; or if there is a 3rd party, like your best friends boyfriend/husband. Now, you may be arguing with me right now or you are trying to think of all your guy friends, but come on ladies, be honest with yourself. We've all seen "When Harry met Sally" or Ross and Rachel from "Friends." If you are hanging out with a guy and sharing intimate details of your life with him and there is any sort of attraction, you will find yourself falling in love with him.
For all you guys reading this blog keep this fact in mind. If you know she likes you and you take it to that level without wanting anything in return, then you share some of the blame!!!!!
No matter the situation you may find yourself in a true Slassy Lady always keeps in CLASSY!!!!
Earlier this week I shared with you the time I had to face my Ex, but I didn't finish the story.....
So the wedding was a success and I faced my demon (the EX) but that wasn't the end of the night. As with any great event there is always an after party. The after party was held at the same house the ex and his new girl were staying. The tricky part is that this house happens to be the boyfriend of one of my very best friends. This boyfriend is almost like a brother to me and there was no way I was going to miss this party. So I jumped in the car with the best friend and her boyfriend and headed to the party (his house). I'll never forget the moment I walked into the house. The new girl walked out of the bedroom in some sort of pajama outfit, looked at me then turned right around and headed back to the bedroom where she changed.
I'm not sure why she changed, because all I was in was some old t-shirt and a pair of comfy jeans. This was no time to try and impress someone, at least not for me! I never talked to her that night; I just kept my distance and had fun. I hung out with out of town friends, danced, acted silly and had a great time. However, toward the end of the night I started to feel sorry for her. She kept trying to get my Ex's, her boyfriends, attention but he was being his typical asshole self. He didn't want to have anything to do with her and he made it very clear. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for her (I mean she is "the other girl") but watching them interact made me realize that he used to do the exact same thing to me.
Toward the end of the night I thought it was a little ridiculous that the ex and I hadn't said anything to one another. I mean we dated for 7 years - we went through so many things together, we could at least talk. So I went up to him and asked "why are you ignoring me?" He goes "I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable." I looked him dead in the eye and stated "She knew what she was getting into when she decided to come. Plus I don't know what the big deal is. I mean you don't want to be with me and I defiantly don't want to be with you." I'll never forget the look on his face, he turned white, his eyes were about to pop out of his head and as he slammed his hand down on the counter he stated "that's the best f-ing news I've heard all night" then stormed off. All I could do was laugh. I was completely shocked, I thought he knew I didn't want to be with him - but I guess not. He obviously thought I was still in love with him.
The best part of the night was what I found out later. The morning after the wedding I was chatting with some of the Slassy Ladies. They go "we are so proud of you, but also a little disappointed." I was confused and asked "why disappointed?" They stated "We really wanted you to take her out, thrown down, and show her who she just messed with." (Just so you know there has been one or two bar fights in my life - now that was the old girl who is long gone - so it was something that could/might have happened in the past). Apparently the other girl had also been warned by some of my friends. They told her that it would be best if she didn't come near me, just in case. They let her know that if she said something to really piss me off or if he did something I may turn around and just smack the shit out of her. But I didn't and I didn't want to. I wasn't angry, jealous, mad or any of those things. I really felt sorry for her and I was mad that I was once her.
I kept it Classy and I'm so proud of myself. Not only did I show my friends that I was over him, but I proved to myself that I'm better than that. I don't need a man who isn't going to love and adore me. I had rather be alone, having fun, being free and acting like the true girl that I am than be with someone who is always trying to put me in a corner. So the next time you find yourself in a situation where you may do something you will regret or that tarnish view others have of you, just remember to keep it CLASSY. You'll thank yourself in the morning - and so will your friends!!!!
Now that you are finally comfortable being single and living without that guy, it’s time to face him! I know it's not going to be fun and you are probably going to have a ton of anxiety before the day, but you can do it - I did and so can you!!
PS: This is a long one!!!
Just this past spring I had to face not just my ex, but his new girlfriend (the one he was cheating on me with). I have to consider myself lucky because of the situation I found myself in. A lot of times when you end a relationship it is likely that you will see him out at the bars, at mutual friends homes, or somewhere. Well I was in a long distance relationship so the likelihood of me seeing him was slim to none. So this encounter was a big deal - I had not seen or talked to him in 5 months (this was the first real interaction we had since the breakup - and that happened over the phone).
In April two of our (mine and the ex's) best friends were getting married. I knew he was going to be there, he was in the wedding, so I was able to deal and process this news. I didn't start to panic until I found out that she (the new girl) was coming. It's not that I wanted to be with him, but I wasn't sure how I would react with just having him - now I have to look at her - GREATTTTT. Let's just say there was a lot of girl power music, drinking, and running the weeks leading up to the wedding (Miranda Lambert's "Only Prettier" is clutch!)
So it's time for the big day!!! Now I'm the type of girl who needs to stay busy, otherwise I start thinking about everything, analyzing every detail, and driving myself mad. So I scheduled a work event that morning/early afternoon. By the time I got home, it was time to get ready to head to the wedding!!!!
As soon as I walk in, I see him - now this is the moment I have been dreading - but once I see him I laugh. There is absolutely no attraction and I can't believe I ever dated him (hahahaha). Of course all my boys are there with him, so they run up and give me big hugs (especially the ones I haven't seen in while). Now it's his turn to say hello and it was fine (at least for me). We went through the usual small talk about our families and what we had been up to - all the fake stuff we put ourselves through just to act pleasant. Well not even 5 minutes later does the other girl walk in - and of course she is with some of my girl friends (I mean he and I have the same mutual friends and the girls can't just ignore her – plus I would never ask them too). The best part is that she ends up sitting on my exact same row – typical!
Well the wedding was amazing and the bride was gorgeous - she couldn't have asked for a better day! As the cocktail hour and reception start I get a little nervous. Sitting through a ceremony is one thing, but a reception is another. Well nothing was going to stop me from having a good time, so I was a dancing fool - as usual. Strangely enough he wasn't - this was odd. Normally my ex would have been in the middle of the floor trying to steal the show. Instead he kind of stayed in the background, hanging out with her. There was only one awkward moment during the reception. They had all the girls line up on one side and the boys on the other. If you have ever seen the movie "Hitch" then you know what I'm talking about. It was time to have a dance line! So I find myself in the front of the line and when I look across to see who I was partnered with I realize it's the ex. Right at the exact same moment, he realizes the same thing. Well instead of being an adult and going with the flow - he scurries out of the way and runs to the middle of the guys. Of course I'm looking at everyone shocked and not sure how I should respond. But needless to say my friends were there. One his very best friends, who just happens to be a dear friend of mine jumped in a grabbed me!!! It was the ex who looked silly - not me!
So as the wedding came to end and we wished the bride and groom off I knew things were great! I had faced my demon and I could have the closure I needed to really move on. I didn't love him anymore and I defiantly did not want to be with him.
So I know it's going to be hard for you to face your ex, and even more difficult if you have to see him with a new girl. But if you need a little help just listen to Miranda Lambert's "Only Prettier" and you'll feel a lot better!!!
Everyone needs a little lovin every now and then right?
So what should a single girl who doesn't want to be considered "wild, whorish, or promiscuous" do?
Well, that's where the recycle theory comes in!!
The recycle theory is the idea that instead of increasing your "number" you just have fun with someone from the past:
"Recycle Slassy" had been broken up with "long time boyfriend" for a little while and it was her first night in the new house with new roomies. Off course a girl’s night is in order, so they head uptown. They were at Dixie’s and "Recycle Slassy" spotted a guy she briefly dated in high school. Needless to say he was super hot and "Recycle Slassy" was super drunk with one thing on her mind, RECYCLE. Well, "Recycle Slassy" convinces "Recycle man" to come home with her, but when they get home they realize he doesn't have a condom. "Recycle Slassy" is determined to make this night happen and begs one of the roommates to drive them to the gas station to buy condoms. Just like any good roommate, she agrees to drive "recycle couple" to the store while laughing the whole way. Once "recycle couple" get back home they head upstairs and....he can't keep it up!!!!! At this point "Recycle Slassy" is drunk, disappointed and exhausted, so she decides to pass out. The next morning, typical hung-over "Recycle Slassy," needs to throw up. So she sneaks off to the bathroom to puke but when she gets back to the room "homeboy" aka "recycle man" wants to prove he can keep it up. Of course "Recycle Slassy has to give him one last chance, but remembers "don't let him kiss me!!!!!!"
Now sometimes you can plan a "recycle" but be very cautious that you don’t stir up trouble. But the best way to use the recycle theory is to have an "unexpected recycle" because it's not planned, but when you see the guy, you automatically know your number isn't going to increase if you take him home - this is the best way to use the theory. The recycle is just about one thing and one thing only:
Do you remember when you were a little girl and all you wanted to do was be with girlfriends because boys had coodies - Well when did we change our mind? When did we start letting our boyfriends drive our relationships apart?
Now that you are single you may have found a new group of girl friends, rekindled old relationships, or just strengthed those that were already there. Many of these friends could be in the same place you are - SINGLE! No matter what, you've found a group to comfort you when you are sad, go out with you when you want to play, or just hang when all else fails. Now what happens when you meet that next guy, or when they meet that next guy?
I've asked you to start playing the game, find your friends, be silly and learn to love yourself. We've talked about how your girls can help you through all this, but we haven't about how to keep yourself from falling back into your old ways and forgetting about your friends. So today you are going to learn how I went from being very depressed to a happy girl!
I dated a guy who did everything possible to pull me away from my friends - he didn't want them to tell me certain things so he lied, embelished the truth and did everything possible to make me question my girlfriends' loyalty. He then took it a step further and tried to turn them on me. He would tell them things I said when I was hurt and just needing to vent, or would even tell them lies. He wanted me to only be around him and the people he picked for me (controlling). Now I was crazy in love (or whatever you want to call it) and started to believe everything he said. Because of that, I lost a lot of great friends. I pushed them away, and then they grew tired of trying to help me. Once I lost them I was alone and thought this boyfriend was the only one I could turn to. I was lost and sad and alone. Without my friends to keep my in check and do the things I love to do I started to lose my identity. Not only did this make me sad in general but it kept me in the relationship longer than I should have been. I was so afraid that I would have noone if I left him that I stuck it out even when I knew I shouldn't have.
Luckily for me I had a few wonderful people who never really left. When they saw me hit rock bottom they were there. I will never forget driving through the mountains of NC - on my home from a weekend at the lake with him and a few friends he approved of. My girl friend looked at me on that car ride home and said "you deserve better." She didn't say anything else for a very long time (4 hour car ride) until I finally broke down. That was the turning point in my mind - not in my actions. It wasn't until I saw that other friends were starting to call more often and I was making more of an effort that I realized I didn't need him and I couldn't be without a boyfriend (I wasn't alone).
Now I have a ton of girlfriends who I love and adore. Some are friends from the past, some are new, and then there are those that never left. I learned an extremely important lesson from all this. A friendship is a relationship and it is up to you to make it last. Don't stop calling just because they said no to your invitation 30 times. And if you realize that you are saying no that many times, say yes at least once. She probably needs you and that boy will wait. Make a pact with your girl friends to never let a guy drive you apart and respect her choices. It's not your life and you may not always know what is best for her - even if you don't like the guy let her love him. We are stubborn creatures who have to learn from our mistakes so let her make those mistakes. My friends had to let me, they warned and pleaded but I had to figure it out for myself.
Ok ladies - I have been telling you stories of me and my Slassy Ladies and it's ok to read things, but if you are like me then you are visual learner. I have to see something before I believe it. So here is a list of my movie suggestions!!
Each of these talks about the importance of friends, being yourself, and the living the Slassy way. So on the next rainy day grab a movie your girls and enjoy!
Oh and if you have any great Slassy movies - let me know!!!
The craziest thing about dating is that each date is so different from the next. Just when you think you have the game and the dating world figured out someone pulls the rug out from underneath you. Each of us Slassy Ladies has had some very interesting dates, but one tops them all - Match.com guy.
One bored, silly, drunk night two of the Slassy Ladies thought it would funny to join Match.com. Well needless to say it works - you will find a date if you join. Within the first few days of joining, "crazy slassy" had a slew of emails. True to programs promise "crazy slassy" had a date - for the sake of his dignity we are going to call him "internet boy." The two hit it off and were having a blast. The first few dates were awesome, however he had this weird thing about not always paying (first sign that he was weird - don't get me wrong you shouldn't be a moocher - but a true gentleman will pay. You can offer after the first few dates). It wasn't until one Sunday afternoon "internet boy" asked "crazy slassy" to join him and his cousin for Sunday drinks. The three of them were just chilling and enjoying each other’s company until "internet boy" boy left for the bathroom. At that time, "cousin" begin to tell "crazy slassy" how awful "internet boy" was. "Cousin" stated that "internet boy" was a womanizer, cheater, and that he was not a good guy. Well "crazy slassy" was freaked out - why would "internet boy's" cousin bash him? It wasn't until they left the bar that "crazy slassy" figured it out. "Cousin" came up to "crazy slassy" and tried to make out with her. Of course she stopped him and was like "what just happened."
The next morning "crazy slassy" tried to understand why this would have happened. She thought that maybe "cousin" had had just a little too much to drink and didn't know what he was doing. Sadly that was not the case. "Cousin" knew what he had done and asked "crazy slassy" to keep her mouth shut. Lucky for him, "crazy slassy" kept her mouth shut, but needless to say that was the end of "internet boy" and Match.com for that matter.
So don't worry if you have a few bad dates, they make us appreciate the great ones. Just laugh it off with you girls and get ready for the next. Hey, it could be worse!
My fortune cookie stated "He who hurries cannot walk with dignity." This made me think - what's the rush with life. Why are we always trying to grow up, get to the weekend, FIND THE NEW BOYFRIEND? Why can't just be happy in the moment and enjoy what we have right now.
Have you ever sat down and thought about who you want to date - looks, personality, everything. When I was a little girl I had the perfect guy picked out - not someone I knew or a movie star, but my dream man. Now how many of you have dated that guy? NOT ME. I've never even dated a guy that looks like my dream man, much less had the characteristics. I've spent my life worrying about being in a relationship that I didn't really think about who I was dating and if they were what I REALLY wanted. Don't get me wrong, I've dated some very cute guys who were very very kind, but I was so caught up in the moment and what I thought they could be, that I forgot to look at who they really were. I wanted to speed up the process.
Well now I'm slowing down. Each day is a new day and I am enjoying life in the moment. The hardest thing for me was living in the present. When I was in my serious relationship - yes I was in a relationship for 7 years - I was so busy worrying about what we were going to do next, or when we were going to get engaged, married, and so forth that I stressed about everything. I forgot to live in the present. It probably caused a lot of fight (ok I know it caused a lot of fights) and I stopped being happy with what I was doing.
Not anymore - now I'm just enjoying life. I've found that if I live for the moment then I enjoy life a lot more. The dating world can be fun, yes scary, but fun. When you see that cute guy for the first time and he says HELLO. The tickle in the stomach and the giddiness you feel is amazing. But you will only feel these things if you live for today. So stop trying to speed up the process - you will get married one day if that is what you want - and just be happy with what you have right now. Tomorrow it's gone and you can't get that time or those feelings back. Be patient and really think about the next guy that comes your way. Is he really what you want or is it that you just want to be in a relationship?
Just last night I asked you a question "Do you want to play the field or are you happy being single?" This made me think - why do we assume that we have to date someone or be with someone to be happy. What about all those people who never marry, aren't they happy? We are told from the time we are little girls to find our prince charming, but why? What is this constant fear of being alone? Oh, trust me I have them and don't want to be alone - but I'm curious as to why we feel this way.
I can remember being in high school thinking that I had to have a boyfriend to fit into the status quo. If you didn't get flowers on Valentine's then you weren't pretty enough or something was wrong with you. Even in College, I spent my entire college life dating someone because I thought that I had to. Now this is not something that someone told me and it was not encouraged by my parents (my mother always wanted me to be single and just live) but I had this idea in my head that I had to be with someone to be accepted. I know weird, but I wonder if any of you have ever felt this way?
Just now I have discovered that I am a much happier person than I have been in a long time and I'm single. So I guess I'm breaking the status quo. I'm a young single girl who is happy!!!! The reason I'm happy is because I have learned to accept myself for who I am and I'm not looking for someone to fill a void - I filled that void by being myself. Now I would love to meet the perfect guy (my prince charming) but I'm not out there taking anyone who comes my way just because I think it’s what I have to do. I'm going to wait and find the guy that fits, no longer am I going to make him fit!
My advice to you is that you need to learn to love yourself for who you are. Surround yourself with people who let you be yourself and stop trying to fit a mold or make someone fit your mold. Just live and enjoy everything you do. If you want to be alone - great, but if you don't then I can promise you he will come. It may not be tomorrow or next month, but if you are patient that perfect guy who accepts you for you will come around!
I've asked you to go out and start playing the game, but I forgot to ask one very important question - DO YOU WANT TO PLAY THE FIELD?
Ok ladies, it's fine to go out there and look for the new catch but how many of you are tired of looking and just want to be free and do your own thing!!
Tonight I am out with three of my favorite ladies, each of us are in a very different place in our lives but we all share one common bond - we love each other. One of the ladies is in love and thinks she may marry this guy, the second has dated the same guy for years and finally I think they realize they are meant to be. The third lady is just like me - we are out having fun taking any young man that comes our way - so long as he meets our standards-well at least some. The best thing about this group is that we accept one another and love each other for who we are.
So here is what I'm asking you to do. Find your girls, plan a beach weekend and go for it. Don't set an agenda, so let the dance party happen and be happy. Remember you don't have to date someone to be happy - just be happy for who you are- remember we are little girls at heart!!!!
Well, there seems to be a persistent argument as to whether or not a girl should ask out a guy or wait for him to pursue. So here is my conclusion - do whatever makes you happy. If you get turned down, then oh well - at least you tried and now you don't have to spend your time wondering if he is going to ask you out, just move on to the next guy. And if you wait - good for you, just don't wait around too long. Remember guys will go after something they want. stop making excuses for him (the Slassy Ladies have used them all) just move on. Who knows, maybe once you're gone, he will decide he likes you after all and come find you!
Now back to our story. Last time I shared with you the story of one of my first "group dates," but now we come to the time where us Slassy Ladies were hit with multiple guys asking us out and we weren't sure what to do. Some of these guys were ones we met out on the town, in the grocery store, and lord knows where. But some of the others were men from our past, or friends who had never made a move. So through this story I hope you will learn to just have fun with the game.
So one of the Slassy Ladies had a birthday! (One thing that you should know is that Birthdays are a big deal here at the Slassy House - I mean big deal) So all of us girls doll up and get ready for the town with a little dinner, with some dancing and great music. Well everything was going the way it should. Birthday girl was happy, all the other Slassy Ladies were meeting guys and we were having the time of our lives! Out of the blue Birthday girl meets a guy, "Blondie" and boy is he cute. The next thing I know, they have hit it off and are having great time. That is until this other young man walks in to the party "re-run." Now "re-run" and “birthday girl” haven't really hung out that much, he is a mutual friend, but "re-run" has a thing for "birthday girl" and refuses to admit to it. But when he walks in to the party and sees "Blondie" with "birthday girl, "re-run" is ready to show "birthday girl" how much he cares. Now of course "birthday girl" is just having a little fun and is not looking for drama – I mean what is she supposed to do - torn between two men and she has no idea if either one truly likes her. From someone who was watching it all happen, I must say it was quite amusing seeing these two fellows begging for her attention. If one would leave her the side, the other was quick to swoop in. But this got old, fast, and since drinks were involved we were just waiting for things between the boys to get heated. Luckily her Slassy Ladies were there to jump in and take her home. There could have been a little drama, possibly tears, and what girl needs that on her birthday. So we learned a valuable lesson. If you are seeing multiple people - you better make sure only one knows your plans for the evening. Otherwise, they may all end up in the same place! If they do, you better have a back-up plan!
But no matter what - remember - Girls just want to have fun!
So go out, have some fun with your girls, meet all sorts of guys, then share some of your stories with me!!!
So how are those dates going? I'm sure you all have some pretty interesting stories by now, if not don't worry it will come. Just keep putting yourself out there and eventually someone will ask you out.
Now that leads to a questions I have for all of you. In this post I want to jump to current times. I've shared with you how the Slassy Ladies got over our X's and the steps we took to get "back in the game" but now we are having a debate. The question at hand is "should a girl approach a guy or should she wait for the guy to approach her" Now I know we live in modern times where it’s acceptable for the husband to stay at home and the wife to work. But is it really ok for a girl to ask out a guy? The Slassy House is torn. Some say of course, others say no - girls should be pursued.
Do you feel better now that you have just allowed yourself to get angry? I hope so, because if you hold on to the anger you will become bitter and that is not a place anyone wants to be. So now that you have had good scream, trashed talked him to all your girlfriends and family, maybe even a few strangers, it's time to forget about him and move on!!
It took me almost 2 months to get back in the swing of "dating." Now don't get me wrong, I was really good at going out, talking to guys, flirting (my mother always said if flirting was a sport then I would be the number draft pick), and giving out my number - I don't call guys. But I never let go any further than a quick chat at the bar and a few text messages/phone calls. I just wasn't ready to let myself go, but eventually you have to take that leap. Now if you know me, then this is going to sound crazy - I have a fear of first dates. Weird I know, but I absolutely hate going on that first date. So much so that I try to avoid one on one first dates at all cost. Well, group dates can be a lot of fun, but they can sometimes turn ugly/funny. So here is my first date "group" - we are talking baby steps!
Football season was alive, and lucky for me one of my dearest friends and follow Slassy Ladies, had season tickets to the Panthers (my favorite team). Well, the day of the game my cousin called me up and said he was going to the game with a friend (we will call him "outdoor boy") and wanted to tailgate at the house first. I lived right beside the Panthers stadium at the time, so I said of course. Little did I know that "outdoor boy" would be gorgeous. I remember when he walked in the door I looked at my girl friend and said "well hello!" Tailgating went well and we were hitting it off. So much so, that we decided to continue the night. So of course I invite everyone I know to meet me at the bar after the game (remember I don't like being alone with a guy I like - the more people I invite the more I like the guy). So we had a crew and the drinks were poured and connections were made. When the bar started to close "outdoor boy" didn't want to go home. He decided he was coming home with me - well I wasn't having that. However he followed us to my house and as soon as we got there he ran for the bathroom. 45 minutes later my cousin showed up and took him home. My friend and I couldn't understand why he was in there for so long, until the next time I spoke with him - yes, he called the next day and apologized like any decent guy would do. Well the reason was in the bathroom for so long was because he was sick. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who was nervous, so was he. While having my friends around was good for me, having his boys around probably wasn't the best this for him - they urged him to drink more than he needed. He not only got sick, but then was such a gentleman and so embarrassed that he cleaned my entire bathroom afterwards. "Outdoor boy" didn't want me to know, so he cleaned.
Needless to say, that was not our official first date, but it was the first time I allowed myself to spend time with a guy for more than 15 minutes. Today "outdoor boy" is still a friend of mine. No, we aren't dating, just friends. This is a story I will never forget because it showed me, that we aren't the only ones who are scared - sometimes the guys are just as nervous. You'll be fine going out on that next date - remember he is just as scared as you. So the next time someone asks you out, even if you don't really like him, just say yes and have fun. Remember you have to start somewhere.
So you've cried, gone out, and remembered what it was like to be single and have fun. Now I bet you're angry, if not, I'm sure it's coming. During the first few weeks, so I would say that first month after my break up, I was doing everything possible to not cry. I went out almost every night and did anything to keep my mind off the fact that I was now alone. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. The thing you don't know about my relationship is that I was cheated on, not just once, but numerous times. When my relationship ended for good, I didn't know that he was once again cheating on me - I found out the very next day. I remember that when I saw/heard the evidence I just laughed. I couldn't stop - I was shocked, yet not surprised - if that makes any since. I guess I thought he would never do something like that again, but I knew in heart he never changed. That first month of single hood was dedicated to doing everything possible to keep my mind off him.
Once I realized that I didn't need him to be happy I got mad. I was angry that someone I loved and cared for could hurt me. I was mad at the people who knew and didn't tell me. I felt betrayed by the girl who introduced them (I thought she was my friend). So to conquer this feeling I created a play list of few good songs. Every time I started to get mad, I would listen to my play list and just laugh. From that play list of songs, I learned that I shouldn't be mad at these people - I should say thank you. You just kept me from making an even bigger mistake. What if I would have stayed with him? I wasn't happy in the relationship, I was just afraid of being alone and I was happier being miserable than being alone. Now trust me - that is not the way to live. Today when my Slassy Ladies reminisce on our past relationships, the one thing we always say is thank goodness we are not with him. So your next step is to get mad, let it happen, and create your girl power play list!
Now that you have had a good cry, fought through the urge to call that guy, and realized that your girl friends are there for you, it's time to start moving forward. Easier said than done, right? Trust me, I was there, but the only way to get back on your feet is to stand up and put one foot in front of the other. I once heard someone say "you are your biggest problem, yet your best solution." So don't worry - it will work out. You are going to fall back on your face, your going to cry a lot, and you might drink a lot, but you will move forward!
To help you get started here is my suggestion - Start a Bucket List! I'm serious, make a list of all those things you have always wanted to do. If you can't think of something, then call a girl friend and go out. I don't care if you have to work tomorrow, have a test, or some excuse - stop making excuses. Go out!!! Put your favorite dress and shoes on. I mean it, fix up and look good. Then grab your girl friends, go out, and just get silly. Don't care what people are going to say, if you feel as though you are being silly - good, you are doing the right thing. Don't be the girl on the wall - you are too good for that. If you think people are talking about you, they are, because they wish they were gutsy enough to be like you. HAVE FUN!
When you wake up - have no regrets. Write down your favorite part of the night and then start your bucket list. Since I've been single, I have had the time of my life and I have done some amazing things with some amazing people - My Slassy Ladies!!!
So I have a question for y'all - what is your bucket list?
If you are going through a break up you know that the first few days, weeks, and sometimes months can be the most difficult. You are probably asking your self: did I make a mistake? what's wrong with me? what did I do wrong? should I go back to him? will anyone ever love me? was I not good enough? and a million more questions that make you second guess your decision to end the relationship or things that won't help you get through this hard time if he ended it with you. Don't worry ladies, every girl (and man - they just won't admit it) ask these very same questions. Here is your answer - you are worth it, you will find someone who loves you, you are good enough, and you are not alone.
I have learned that one of the number one fears of all these Slassy Ladies is that we are afraid of being alone. Well this is where your girl friends come in handy. How many of you had to give up girl time to be with "the guy?" How many of you lost a few friends because of "the guy?" Well we did and learned your friends are still there and will forgive you.
So if you start to feel down or want to call that guy - don't! Call a friend, open a bottle of wine (or a few), have a good cry and listen to one of the original Slassy songs!
How many of you have been in a relationship and thought this is the one, only to find out that you were completely wrong and it all blew up in your face? Well this is how the Slassy Life began!!
Over a year ago there were a group of girls, all in their mid 20's, who were in serious relationships. The conversations consisted of engagement rings, wedding dresses, the dream engagement and all of those things you think about when you think you’re about to be proposed to. In April of 2010 the first of the Slassy Ladies had her life rocked when out of the blue the relationship ended. Over the next 6 months the 3 other Slassy ladies went through similar life changes. Some of the relationships ended and the two remained friends, while some can't even look at each other. The consistent is that each of us rose above this difficult time by relying on each other.
This blog is going to tell the story of 4 young women, all living in the city of Charlotte, who came together to rebuild their lives and realize that being a SLASSY (single lady who is sassy yet oh so classy) is often a lot more fun and crazy than a being girl who is about to spend the rest of her life with the wrong man!
The hope of this blog is that other women/girls, whatever you want to be considered, will realize that you are not alone. Single life is a lot of fun and it's a great place to explore your true self, meet a lot of great women and really dive into your passions. I hope that through this blog you will find yourself laughing, crying, and understanding that it's ok to be single!!
