Do you have it all figured out?

Do you think you have it all figured out?

Do you know what it is that you want to do with the rest of your life? Do you have your 5 year plan?

If so, good for you! If not, don't worry - most of us don't. But I want to write this blog specifically for those you who think you have it all figured out!

There was once a girl who had it all figured it out. She knew exactly who she wanted to marry, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life, knew how many kids she was going to have, where she was going to live - everything was planned. Life was going exactly the way she wanted. Whenever a road block came along she fixed it, smoothed everything out and went along her merry way. If people didn't follow her plan she moved them to the side and found people that would. She THOUGHT her life was great. It wasn't until she realized she had missed out on life and the suprise adventures that she realized she wasn't happy. She was doing everything possible to find happiness, while the whole time it was right in front of her. She just refused to accept it and live.

I'm telling you these things not to make you change your plans, but I just want you to make sure your living life to the fulliest. It's easy to be the person you think everyone wants you to be, but is that the person that you meant to be?

So for right now I'm not going to tell you a story or give you an example. I just want you to think about your life. Are you living it for yourself and are you happy? If you can't find happiness in the things that you are doing is it really what you were meant to do?

Dating - It's like trying on a pair of jeans!!!

Have you ever felt crazy because you weren’t in a relationship?

Has anyone ever made you feel bad about yourself because you weren’t ready to be married?

I ask you these questions because one of the youngest Slassy Ladies is currently dealing with these things. Baby Slassy is only 23 years old; however her best friend is currently engaged and will soon be married. You may remember when the first of your girl friends took the plunge and got hitched.  Everyone seems to get wedding fever and if you don’t you feel weird, left out, and sometimes lonely. But should you?

Baby Slassy was once in a wonderful relationship with a great guy, however there seemed to be something missing. Baby Slassy wanted more than her boyfriend could give her so they parted ways and she continued to date other guys. In the meantime her best friend was in a serious relationship with the same young man who she had been dating since she was 16 years old. Now he was quite a bit older, 21, and a bit mature considering he is the military. Baby Slassy’s best friend is now engaged to this man, however she has sacrificed a lot of things to be with him – she missed her senior prom and almost skipped her high school graduation, and has never kissed another man. Now Baby Slassy’s best friend is 22 and will soon be married. She’s happy and ready for marriage however she believes that Baby Slassy should be focused on marriage as well, but she isn’t. Instead she is out there living life with the belief that everything happens for a reason. Baby Slassy is trying to figure out what type of a man she wants to be with. “It’s just like a pair of jeans. Some fit better than others and some may look right on you but not on others.”

We tell people to be independent, however many people believe that you can’t live a fulfilled and happy life, unless you get married. Baby Slassy is a college graduate, fully employed, living debt free and single – isn’t that something to proud of and excited about?  Why does society push people to get married when they aren’t ready? Why do friends feel as though they have to do everything together and at the same time?

There are no two people just alike. We all have to live our own lives, making our own decisions and mistakes. Sometimes those things may happen at the same time as others around us, but often they will happen at very different moments and that’s ok.

You may have found your perfect pair of jeans or maybe your still looking. But remember, just because they are perfect for you, doesn’t mean that they will be right for you friends!!!

It's ok to say NO

Have you ever felt so consumed with projects and obligations that you started to feel as though your life was spinning out of control, the weight of the world was on your shoulders and you were missing out on everything?

 Well that's where I am right now. Don't get me wrong, I have a great time with the things that I am involved in and I love everything that I do - however I'm not sure if I'm doing them because I'm afraid of being free and having free time or if I'm doing them for the right reasons.

Now you may be asking yourself what does this have to do with being single - A LOT.

In one of the first few blogs I told you to go out there and just live, do things that you had never done before, start your bucket list. So if you are following my advice or have done this on your own accord, you may be involved in various different things. You may have joined a board or a young professionals group. Maybe you joined a bible study, became active in a book club, or maybe you joined everything and anything you've ever wished you had joined.

BUT ARE YOU HAPPY

I've always been the overactive, extremely involved and too committed girl. Shoot I remember one time in college I was a cheerleader, staring in a play, working, holding down 21 credit hours, serving as a VP in my sorority and still trying to have a life (well we all know that wasn't happening). I had become so involved, that I couldn't live for me or in the moment. Everylittle moment of my life was planned and I feel as though I missed out – actually I know I missed out on a lot of crazy adventures. When I graduated college I felt a void and had to find new activities, so I invested myself in my ex, his life, and things he loved (this is not a good idea). It wasn't until he moved away that I realized I needed to get my own life - so I did.

When I became single, I went crazy thinking I had all this free time and increased all my commitments and obligations to things I had joined. Why did I do this? If I'm honest it's because I'm afraid of the free time. I'm afraid of sitting at home with nothing to do. In other words I'M AFRAID. I'm so afraid of being alone that I find projects or people who need help and try to fix their issues. I do this because, yes I like to help others, but in all reality, I know that if I'm consumed with someone else and their issues, I don't have to focus on mine.

You can live like this for so long and then you start letting others down. Just the other day I did just that, I let a lot of people down. I am so consumed in my commitments and promises to do things or be someone, that when I need time to just relax, live in the moment, or do nothing, I end up hurting others.

So why am I telling you all this. I want you to be aware of what can happen if you don't limit yourself and deal with your insecurities of being alone. Eventually your body will say stop, your mind will want to be free and you will have to give up some of your commitments. If you don't want to hurt those around you then know your limits and only promise what you know you can do. In other words - learn to say NO.

People are going to ask you to sign up and do everything under the sun, especially if they know you are single (“I mean what else do you have to do - it's not like you have a family” Have you ever heard that). Well if you have and they are asking you to do something that you are not 100 percent committed to, say no - otherwise you will hate yourself and in the end whatever you said yes to won't be a great as it could have been.

So yes, go out there a live your life. But do so living for the things that you love and you’re passionate about. Be willing to say NO and don't forget to give yourself time to rest, breathe and live in the moment. A dear friend once told me, “you can’t always be perfect and do everything for everyone” so stop trying and just live for you.

Why do we hide from the truth?

Why do we hide our true feelings and make it difficult for a man to know what we think or want?

Just the other day I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine. He's an interesting character - sweet, charming, handsome, a catch except he isn't ready to be caught. He's out living his life, growing up, figuring out who he really is and what he really wants. There's just one problem - the girls keep falling for him. These are very good girls who see a guy that seems to have it together and they fall, knowing they shouldn't. He's not the kind that wants to hurt another person, however just like most guys he can't read between the lines. He's not listening to the underlining words; instead he's listening to exactly what the girl is telling him (the false truth). In the end he's doing exactly what he doesn't want to do - making a girl fall in love with him when he can't love her back, therefore breaking her heart.

I spent 3 hours in the car last night thinking about this conversation. If the girl had been telling me this story I would have deemed the guy an ASS. I would have thought - "You knew she was falling for you and you were too selfish to look past your own wants and desires to see what you were doing" "How could you not see the signs, really?" To be honest, this is what was going through my head while I was talking to the guy. The weird thing about this conversation is that for some reason I couldn't get it out of my head. The time he was telling me these things I could see the confusion in his face. He even asked me to write out exactly what a girl means when she says or does something. In other words he wanted a guide book to women!!!

So during this car ride I asked myself - why do we make it so difficult for guys to truly understand what we want or think? Why are we afraid to tell them the truth - I LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO DATE YOU. No, I don't want to be just friends, and if that's all you want then I can't do this. No, I will not sleep with you unless you want to date me and only me.

What is it that makes us hide the truth??