Why are you Single?

I know you have asked yourself this plenty of times "God, why am I still single?" You've probably gotten frustrated, cried, and thought you would never find the right man if any many. Well don't worry because in the past 3 weeks I have learned that maybe there is a reason you are single. 
Just tonight I was talking to one of the Slassy girls about this topic and she said "I'm happy being single and don't really need someone else to make me happy." She went on to say "I can go out, do what a want, take a crazy weekend vacation and flirt with whomever, without feeling guilty or worrying about another." She's right - being single isn't the end of your life. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be single forever but the more I think about it, the more I realize I needed to be single so I could straighten out my own life.

This past Sunday I was at church and the pastor started talking about this very subject. He said that when you are single you allow yourself to grow closer to God. You lose the distractions that cause you to distance yourself, when we should really be interested in one relationship - the one we have with God. Now you may not be a spiritual person but there is some real truth in what he was saying. Part of the joy of being single is that you get to worry about only you and the things going on in your life. You can stop worrying about everyone else and focus on your needs. When I became single I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I had invested my whole life into someone else and I was lost. Because of that, I wasn't truly happy - I just made myself believe I was happy. Now I'm single and the reason I'm single is because I needed to learn who I am. I need to learn to love myself and my quirks and all the crazy silly things about me. Today I can honestly tell you that I'm happier being single than i ever was in a relationship because I accept my silliness and I like the fact that am too busy for my own good. All the things that I used to hide from, because I didn't think "he" liked them, I now love because they are me. I've learned to love ME. The really funny thing is that other people like me better because I'm not trying to be something else - I'm not fake.

If you don't love yourself and you aren't true to your own self how can you ever expect someone else to love the real you and know the real you? Are you ok living the rest of your life in a lie when there is no reason to live that lie? I believe with all my heart that God created someone for each and every one of us. This someone will love you no matter what, all your quirks, moods and weirdness (he'll find them endearing). I believe the fairy tale - so sue me. But I don't believe the fairy tale can exist unless you first accept yourself and learn to love yourself. Until then you are in the waiting period. So stop looking for a man to fulfil your life - go out there and do it yourself. You can do it and the reason I know you can is because I have watched 6 wonderful women do this very thing over the past year. Some of them are still single, but others have found great men. So stop asking yourself why and just start saying "I'm single because I love myself and I'm not going to settle!"

Is that "guy friend" keeping you from LOVE?

Do you have that one guy who is always around? The guy that you would talk to about almost anything? You've never dated him and you tell everyone you wouldn't, but in your heart you aren't sure of what you really want. I'm not talking about the guy you've grown up with since you were a baby and could never see yourself with because he is like a brother. I'm talking about that guy that you secretly want to be with, but know you shouldn't so you just act like friends, but really there is more. If you do have him around then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Well my question to you is why are you keeping him around? Is he truly your friend or is he just someone that is keeping you from having to love again?



Just the other day I was talking to one of the Slassy's about this subject and I asked her a question "are you hanging out with this guy because you truly enjoy his company and will always be friends or do you secretly want to date him but you're afraid because of all the other things going on in yours and his life. If you are never going to date him are you allowing him to stop you from putting yourself out there for others?" I know this sounds confusing - shoot I think I've just confused myself - but maybe this story will help you understand.



Friendly Slassy has always been the go to girl for fun. Whenever you are down, upset, nervous, whatever, you can call her. She is that girl that you can always count on to make your day just a little be better. Because everyone tells Friendly Slassy this, and counts on her, she has a hard time ever letting her guard down and focusing on her emotional needs. Almost a year ago Friendly Slassy met someone she could open up to. He never judged, was always there to listen (no matter the time) and he just seemed to genuinely care. For the first time in a very long time Friendly Slassy could let down her guard, cry, and be honest with herself. Every now and then the strong must be weak and this guy let Friendly Slassy do just that. Things were going great until the friendship became more than a friendship and in the end she ended up getting hurt.



This relationship took a toll on Friendly Slassy and since this time she has found it extremely hard to cry, grieve or let down her guard. It takes a lot, along a little liquid influence for Friendly Slassy to just let go. Well not too long ago another young man came into Friendly Slassy's life - we will call him Mr. Comrade. From the moment she first laid eyes on this guy she knew there was a connection. The problem with Mr. Comrade is that from their first date Friendly Slassy decided that all they would ever be is friends. While there is some chemistry between the two, in her mind they are just better as friends. Friendly Slassy knows that if she does decide to let down her guard and actually tell him the truth, that she really has liked him from day one, he will break her heart. But she scared of losing him that she is willing to deny the truth and just be friends. The conversations they have are blunt and real, they understand each other's quirks and appreciate the craziness of their lives. He is one of the only people she can tell anything to and still feel comfortable around. The only thing can't share is her true feelings.



Maybe you are asking - what's the problem - just give it some time. Well they have given it some time and every day that she talks to Mr. Comrade she realizes that he isn't really the one for her. But since meeting Mr. Comrade, Friendly Slassy has refused to really get to know other guys. Now don't get me wrong, she goes out there and flirts, has gone a one or two dates with a guy, but has never really given it her all. She is just complacent and following the steps of single life. The difference between her steps and those of other girls, is that she doesn't have her heart invested in those steps. She has someone she can talk to, go and do silly things with, cry with, and yes even cuddle with on a rare occasion. Why would she put her heart out there for some other guy she doesn't know when she already has someone to do all those things with?



Now maybe you are thinking this is the way to go and maybe it is, but I don't know. What I do know is that Friendly Slassy does believe that there is something missing. Is she so caught up in this friendship/semi-relationship that she is missing her opportunities with other young men? I mean just the other day a young man who seemed to really like Friendly Slassy asked her to do something, but while the young man was asking Mr. Comrade sent her a text asking to do something time and so she turned down the eligible man. But would he do the same? When I asked her this question she said "as much as I wish I could say yes, I know I would be lying. If another girl asked him to do something, he would turn me down and go with her."



Sometimes it seems as though a wall will keep us from getting hurt, but is it really the wall that is hurting us?

A Letter to all Women, from one guy

Just the other day I was on Facebook and a young man in college posted a letter he wrote to all women. I was extremely impressed with the message that I thought I would share it with y'all.


We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fac...t ......that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls>OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in. Let us pay for you! dont 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you. Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; ) Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you' ..and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. - Anonymous

The Secret Love Affair

Ok - I know you have all been in one at some point; shoot maybe you are in one now. That love affair that you wanted to keep a secret. Maybe it was an ex that you were getting back with, maybe it was the forbidden guy (the one your girlfriends hated), or maybe it's someone you work with. Whoever it is, it's a big fat secret!!!

What is it about the secret that makes the relationship so much more fun? I don't know but I do know one girl who had a lot of fun until the end. Secret Slassy went through this very same thing not long ago. She had met a guy that was kinda off limits - I mean he was single, but she knew she couldn't have a true relationship with him. Instead she decided to make him her flirting buddy. There was just one little problem - CHEMISTRY. The chemistry between those two was undeniable. As hard as she tried to keep it fun and casual, Secret Slassy couldn't do it. She was into him and knew she was in trouble.

It started one evening when a group of friends went out, slowly the friends left the scene and they were the only two left. (Everyone left because Secret Slassy and her man were so engrossed in each other that no one else had a chance to get one word in). The two were just sitting there being friends and enjoying themselves, but eventually they had to leave. As any respectable man would do, he walked her to her car and leaned in for a goodnight hug, but of course that mean little thing called CHEMISTRY got in the way and the next thing you knew, they were making out. Secret Slassy pulled away, jumped in her car and hurried home. He sent a message to make sure she was safe and that should have been the end.

Well I'm sure you can figure out what happened next. Every time they were together Secret Slassy and her mad just couldn't stay away from one another. Slowly they began to meet at various locations where they knew no one else would be. When that became too risky they decided that they should only meet at each other’s homes when no one else was around. They had nicknames for one another so no-one could tell who it was if a call came through or if a message was sent. They were living in a secret world and Secret Slassy was happy and having fun. There was just one thing missing - sharing her happiness with those she loved.

The fun continued for a little while, but the relationship had no room for growth. In the end Secret Slassy couldn't keep it up. She wanted to tell others and be together but for some reason they couldn't. She wanted to make the relationship more than it was and in the end she ended up getting hurt - even to this day, there is a sore spot in her heart.

Maybe you've found a way to make it work a secret relationship work and last, if so please share. But for all others, please be careful of what you may be getting yourself into. Just remember – when it stops being fun watch out!