Time to get back in the GAME!!!

Do you feel better now that you have just allowed yourself to get angry? I hope so, because if you hold on to the anger you will become bitter and that is not a place anyone wants to be. So now that you have had good scream, trashed talked him to all your girlfriends and family, maybe even a few strangers, it's time to forget about him and move on!!

It took me almost 2 months to get back in the swing of "dating." Now don't get me wrong, I was really good at going out, talking to guys, flirting (my mother always said if flirting was a sport then I would be the number draft pick), and giving out my number - I don't call guys. But I never let go any further than a quick chat at the bar and a few text messages/phone calls. I just wasn't ready to let myself go, but eventually you have to take that leap. Now if you know me, then this is going to sound crazy - I have a fear of first dates. Weird I know, but I absolutely hate going on that first date. So much so that I try to avoid one on one first dates at all cost. Well, group dates can be a lot of fun, but they can sometimes turn ugly/funny. So here is my first date "group" - we are talking baby steps!

Football season was alive, and lucky for me one of my dearest friends and follow Slassy Ladies, had season tickets to the Panthers (my favorite team). Well, the day of the game my cousin called me up and said he was going to the game with a friend (we will call him "outdoor boy") and wanted to tailgate at the house first. I lived right beside the Panthers stadium at the time, so I said of course. Little did I know that "outdoor boy" would be gorgeous. I remember when he walked in the door I looked at my girl friend and said "well hello!" Tailgating went well and we were hitting it off. So much so, that we decided to continue the night. So of course I invite everyone I know to meet me at the bar after the game (remember I don't like being alone with a guy I like - the more people I invite the more I like the guy). So we had a crew and the drinks were poured and connections were made. When the bar started to close "outdoor boy" didn't want to go home. He decided he was coming home with me - well I wasn't having that. However he followed us to my house and as soon as we got there he ran for the bathroom. 45 minutes later my cousin showed up and took him home. My friend and I couldn't understand why he was in there for so long, until the next time I spoke with him - yes, he called the next day and apologized like any decent guy would do. Well the reason was in the bathroom for so long was because he was sick. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who was nervous, so was he. While having my friends around was good for me, having his boys around probably wasn't the best this for him - they urged him to drink more than he needed. He not only got sick, but then was such a gentleman and so embarrassed that he cleaned my entire bathroom afterwards. "Outdoor boy" didn't want me to know, so he cleaned.

Needless to say, that was not our official first date, but it was the first time I allowed myself to spend time with a guy for more than 15 minutes. Today "outdoor boy" is still a friend of mine. No, we aren't dating, just friends. This is a story I will never forget because it showed me, that we aren't the only ones who are scared - sometimes the guys are just as nervous. You'll be fine going out on that next date - remember he is just as scared as you. So the next time someone asks you out, even if you don't really like him, just say yes and have fun. Remember you have to start somewhere.

I bet you're angry

So you've cried, gone out, and remembered what it was like to be single and have fun. Now I bet you're angry, if not, I'm sure it's coming. During the first few weeks, so I would say that first month after my break up, I was doing everything possible to not cry. I went out almost every night and did anything to keep my mind off the fact that I was now alone. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. The thing you don't know about my relationship is that I was cheated on, not just once, but numerous times. When my relationship ended for good, I didn't know that he was once again cheating on me - I found out the very next day. I remember that when I saw/heard the evidence I just laughed. I couldn't stop - I was shocked, yet not surprised - if that makes any since. I guess I thought he would never do something like that again, but I knew in heart he never changed. That first month of single hood was dedicated to doing everything possible to keep my mind off him.

Once I realized that I didn't need him to be happy I got mad. I was angry that someone I loved and cared for could hurt me. I was mad at the people who knew and didn't tell me. I felt betrayed by the girl who introduced them (I thought she was my friend). So to conquer this feeling I created a play list of  few good songs. Every time I started to get mad, I would listen to my play list and just laugh. From that play list of songs, I learned that I shouldn't be mad at these people - I should say thank you. You just kept me from making an even bigger mistake. What if I would have stayed with him? I wasn't happy in the relationship, I was just afraid of being alone and I was happier being miserable than being alone. Now trust me - that is not the way to live. Today when my Slassy Ladies reminisce on our past relationships, the one thing we always say is thank goodness we are not with him. So your next step is to get mad, let it happen, and create your girl power play list!

To get you started here is one of my theme songs!

Your Next Steps

Now that you have had a good cry, fought through the urge to call that guy, and realized that your girl friends are there for you, it's time to start moving forward. Easier said than done, right? Trust me, I was there, but the only way to get back on your feet is to stand up and put one foot in front of the other. I once heard someone say "you are your biggest problem, yet your best solution." So don't worry - it will work out. You are going to fall back on your face, your going to cry a lot, and you might drink a lot, but you will move forward!

To help you get started here is my suggestion - Start a Bucket List! I'm serious, make a list of all those things you have always wanted to do. If you can't think of something, then call a girl friend and go out. I don't care if you have to work tomorrow, have a test, or some excuse - stop making excuses. Go out!!! Put your favorite dress and shoes on. I mean it, fix up and look good. Then grab your girl friends, go out, and just get silly. Don't care what people are going to say, if you feel as though you are being silly - good, you are doing the right thing. Don't be the girl on the wall - you are too good for that. If you think people are talking about you, they are, because they wish they were gutsy enough to be like you. HAVE FUN!

When you wake up - have no regrets. Write down your favorite part of the night and then start your bucket list. Since I've been single, I have had the time of my life and I have done some amazing things with some amazing people - My Slassy Ladies!!!

So I have a question for y'all - what is your bucket list?

The first few days after the break up!

If you are going through a break up you know that the first few days, weeks, and sometimes months can be the most difficult. You are probably asking your self: did I make a mistake? what's wrong with me? what did I do wrong? should I go back to him? will anyone ever love me? was I not good enough? and a million more questions that make you second guess your decision to end the relationship or things that won't help you get through this hard time if he ended it with you. Don't worry ladies, every girl (and man - they just won't admit it) ask these very same questions. Here is your answer - you are worth it, you will find someone who loves you, you are good enough, and you are not alone.

I have learned that one of the number one fears of all these Slassy Ladies is that we are afraid of being alone. Well this is where your girl friends come in handy. How many of you had to give up girl time to be with "the guy?" How many of you lost a few friends because of "the guy?" Well we did and learned your friends are still there and will forgive you.

So if you start to feel down or want to call that guy - don't! Call a friend, open a bottle of wine (or a few), have a good cry and listen to one of the original Slassy songs!

Welcome to the Slassy Life

How many of you have been in a relationship and thought this is the one, only to find out that you were completely wrong and it all blew up in your face? Well this is how the Slassy Life began!!

Over a year ago there were a group of girls, all in their mid 20's, who were in serious relationships. The conversations consisted of engagement rings, wedding dresses, the dream engagement and all of those things you think about when you think you’re about to be proposed to. In April of 2010 the first of the Slassy Ladies had her life rocked when out of the blue the relationship ended. Over the next 6 months the 3 other Slassy ladies went through similar life changes. Some of the relationships ended and the two remained friends, while some can't even look at each other. The consistent is that each of us rose above this difficult time by relying on each other.

This blog is going to tell the story of 4 young women, all living in the city of Charlotte, who came together to rebuild their lives and realize that being a SLASSY (single lady who is sassy yet oh so classy) is often a lot more fun and crazy than a being girl who is about to spend the rest of her life with the wrong man!

The hope of this blog is that other women/girls, whatever you want to be considered, will realize that you are not alone. Single life is a lot of fun and it's a great place to explore your true self, meet a lot of great women and really dive into your passions. I hope that through this blog you will find yourself laughing, crying, and understanding that it's ok to be single!!