Why can't I just have bigger boobs!!!!!!

Over the past holiday season I was able to spend 10 wonderful days with my crazy, but amazing family!!! With my family you never know who's going to say or do what - shoot you don't even know who's going to be staying in the house that night. There is an open door policy at my house - if you need a place to crash or a meal - well then come on in! So it makes for some very interesting evenings.

One of those evenings my mother and I were talking about past boyfriends and the crazy things that have happened over the years. I thought y’all may find comfort or just a laugh with one of the adventures so enjoy!

 Now I was a happy teenager and loved high school - Most School Spirited!!!! But there were some things, physical, that I wanted to change. What high school girl doesn't want to change something - what grown ass women doesn't want to change something. I mean we are women and its part of our DNA to want what we don't have. Anyway, I have little boobs and have prayed for larger breast my entire life. Even before I was born my mother prayed that I would be blessed with boobs, but apparently God had something else in mind. Now don't get me wrong, I'm now happy with my boobs, but when you are 14 - 16 year old teenage girl and you can't even wear an A cup you start to wonder what happened in the breast genes. Y'all I tried every trick under the sun to make those suckers grow, I even went so far as to order "Blusant" the bust enhancement pills - they don't work so don't try it. Needless to say I was destined to be president of the itty bitty titty committee.


Luckily Victoria Secret knew that we all couldn’t be a C cup so they created the padded bra. Now this thing is great for us ladies, but kind of a tease to the men out there. You think you’re getting one thing, but in the end realize you may just be getting a handful if that. So during my sophomore year in high school my mom and I ventured to the mall and walked in to VS. The water bra was the big sensation at the time so mom and I were off to find one. As we walked into the store we saw a display for a new kind of bra "The Air Bra." Instead of having to deal with the weight of water, you could just have a pocket full of air to help enhance your bust size! Score - I could now be a full A and not have to worry about the weight of the water bra or praying it didn’t spring a leak.

Little did I know that the air bra would turn into a nightmare. That same night I had a cute young man come and pick me up for a date. We went to dinner then back to his house to watch a movie. As we were cuddled up on the couch I start to wiggle and notice that ever time my boob touched something I would hear this rustling of paper sound. I couldn't figure it out so I just tried not to move. Once the movie was over he wanted out to lie under the stars - yes he was trying to be romantic. But before we could get out the door he leaned in to give me a kiss and as his body got closer to mine I heard the paper noise again. I mean it sounded like someone was balling up a sheet of paper. I knew it was coming from me but I couldn't figure out where. Before we went outside I went to the bathroom and tried to figure it out when suddenly it dawned on me - THE AIR BRA - this thing was going to be the death of me. I couldn't get close to the guy because he would hear the noise and think I had stuffed my bra, but I if I didn’t get close to him he would think I didn't like him. I didn't know what to do but I knew I had to get out of the bathroom.

 So I gathered my thoughts and left the bathroom, praying the bra would just stop making noises and ruining my life.  Like a gentleman he was waiting with a blanket and outside we went. It didn’t even take 10 minutes before he wanted to kiss me and without fail the bra started making noises, it was so loud that he stopped kissing me and asked what in the world. I didn't know what to say and just blurted out - "oh I have money in my bra so it must be that." I was mortified. Finally I went home, jerked off the 40 dollar bra as fast as possible and never put that sucker on again.

 Needless to say I learned a valuable lesson - be happy with what god gave you at least it doesn't make noises!!!!!!

Happy 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are you Single?

I know you have asked yourself this plenty of times "God, why am I still single?" You've probably gotten frustrated, cried, and thought you would never find the right man if any many. Well don't worry because in the past 3 weeks I have learned that maybe there is a reason you are single. 
Just tonight I was talking to one of the Slassy girls about this topic and she said "I'm happy being single and don't really need someone else to make me happy." She went on to say "I can go out, do what a want, take a crazy weekend vacation and flirt with whomever, without feeling guilty or worrying about another." She's right - being single isn't the end of your life. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be single forever but the more I think about it, the more I realize I needed to be single so I could straighten out my own life.

This past Sunday I was at church and the pastor started talking about this very subject. He said that when you are single you allow yourself to grow closer to God. You lose the distractions that cause you to distance yourself, when we should really be interested in one relationship - the one we have with God. Now you may not be a spiritual person but there is some real truth in what he was saying. Part of the joy of being single is that you get to worry about only you and the things going on in your life. You can stop worrying about everyone else and focus on your needs. When I became single I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I had invested my whole life into someone else and I was lost. Because of that, I wasn't truly happy - I just made myself believe I was happy. Now I'm single and the reason I'm single is because I needed to learn who I am. I need to learn to love myself and my quirks and all the crazy silly things about me. Today I can honestly tell you that I'm happier being single than i ever was in a relationship because I accept my silliness and I like the fact that am too busy for my own good. All the things that I used to hide from, because I didn't think "he" liked them, I now love because they are me. I've learned to love ME. The really funny thing is that other people like me better because I'm not trying to be something else - I'm not fake.

If you don't love yourself and you aren't true to your own self how can you ever expect someone else to love the real you and know the real you? Are you ok living the rest of your life in a lie when there is no reason to live that lie? I believe with all my heart that God created someone for each and every one of us. This someone will love you no matter what, all your quirks, moods and weirdness (he'll find them endearing). I believe the fairy tale - so sue me. But I don't believe the fairy tale can exist unless you first accept yourself and learn to love yourself. Until then you are in the waiting period. So stop looking for a man to fulfil your life - go out there and do it yourself. You can do it and the reason I know you can is because I have watched 6 wonderful women do this very thing over the past year. Some of them are still single, but others have found great men. So stop asking yourself why and just start saying "I'm single because I love myself and I'm not going to settle!"

Is that "guy friend" keeping you from LOVE?

Do you have that one guy who is always around? The guy that you would talk to about almost anything? You've never dated him and you tell everyone you wouldn't, but in your heart you aren't sure of what you really want. I'm not talking about the guy you've grown up with since you were a baby and could never see yourself with because he is like a brother. I'm talking about that guy that you secretly want to be with, but know you shouldn't so you just act like friends, but really there is more. If you do have him around then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Well my question to you is why are you keeping him around? Is he truly your friend or is he just someone that is keeping you from having to love again?



Just the other day I was talking to one of the Slassy's about this subject and I asked her a question "are you hanging out with this guy because you truly enjoy his company and will always be friends or do you secretly want to date him but you're afraid because of all the other things going on in yours and his life. If you are never going to date him are you allowing him to stop you from putting yourself out there for others?" I know this sounds confusing - shoot I think I've just confused myself - but maybe this story will help you understand.



Friendly Slassy has always been the go to girl for fun. Whenever you are down, upset, nervous, whatever, you can call her. She is that girl that you can always count on to make your day just a little be better. Because everyone tells Friendly Slassy this, and counts on her, she has a hard time ever letting her guard down and focusing on her emotional needs. Almost a year ago Friendly Slassy met someone she could open up to. He never judged, was always there to listen (no matter the time) and he just seemed to genuinely care. For the first time in a very long time Friendly Slassy could let down her guard, cry, and be honest with herself. Every now and then the strong must be weak and this guy let Friendly Slassy do just that. Things were going great until the friendship became more than a friendship and in the end she ended up getting hurt.



This relationship took a toll on Friendly Slassy and since this time she has found it extremely hard to cry, grieve or let down her guard. It takes a lot, along a little liquid influence for Friendly Slassy to just let go. Well not too long ago another young man came into Friendly Slassy's life - we will call him Mr. Comrade. From the moment she first laid eyes on this guy she knew there was a connection. The problem with Mr. Comrade is that from their first date Friendly Slassy decided that all they would ever be is friends. While there is some chemistry between the two, in her mind they are just better as friends. Friendly Slassy knows that if she does decide to let down her guard and actually tell him the truth, that she really has liked him from day one, he will break her heart. But she scared of losing him that she is willing to deny the truth and just be friends. The conversations they have are blunt and real, they understand each other's quirks and appreciate the craziness of their lives. He is one of the only people she can tell anything to and still feel comfortable around. The only thing can't share is her true feelings.



Maybe you are asking - what's the problem - just give it some time. Well they have given it some time and every day that she talks to Mr. Comrade she realizes that he isn't really the one for her. But since meeting Mr. Comrade, Friendly Slassy has refused to really get to know other guys. Now don't get me wrong, she goes out there and flirts, has gone a one or two dates with a guy, but has never really given it her all. She is just complacent and following the steps of single life. The difference between her steps and those of other girls, is that she doesn't have her heart invested in those steps. She has someone she can talk to, go and do silly things with, cry with, and yes even cuddle with on a rare occasion. Why would she put her heart out there for some other guy she doesn't know when she already has someone to do all those things with?



Now maybe you are thinking this is the way to go and maybe it is, but I don't know. What I do know is that Friendly Slassy does believe that there is something missing. Is she so caught up in this friendship/semi-relationship that she is missing her opportunities with other young men? I mean just the other day a young man who seemed to really like Friendly Slassy asked her to do something, but while the young man was asking Mr. Comrade sent her a text asking to do something time and so she turned down the eligible man. But would he do the same? When I asked her this question she said "as much as I wish I could say yes, I know I would be lying. If another girl asked him to do something, he would turn me down and go with her."



Sometimes it seems as though a wall will keep us from getting hurt, but is it really the wall that is hurting us?

A Letter to all Women, from one guy

Just the other day I was on Facebook and a young man in college posted a letter he wrote to all women. I was extremely impressed with the message that I thought I would share it with y'all.


We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fac...t ......that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls>OR TEXTS< you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood im in. Let us pay for you! dont 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you. Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; ) Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you' ..and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. - Anonymous

The Secret Love Affair

Ok - I know you have all been in one at some point; shoot maybe you are in one now. That love affair that you wanted to keep a secret. Maybe it was an ex that you were getting back with, maybe it was the forbidden guy (the one your girlfriends hated), or maybe it's someone you work with. Whoever it is, it's a big fat secret!!!

What is it about the secret that makes the relationship so much more fun? I don't know but I do know one girl who had a lot of fun until the end. Secret Slassy went through this very same thing not long ago. She had met a guy that was kinda off limits - I mean he was single, but she knew she couldn't have a true relationship with him. Instead she decided to make him her flirting buddy. There was just one little problem - CHEMISTRY. The chemistry between those two was undeniable. As hard as she tried to keep it fun and casual, Secret Slassy couldn't do it. She was into him and knew she was in trouble.

It started one evening when a group of friends went out, slowly the friends left the scene and they were the only two left. (Everyone left because Secret Slassy and her man were so engrossed in each other that no one else had a chance to get one word in). The two were just sitting there being friends and enjoying themselves, but eventually they had to leave. As any respectable man would do, he walked her to her car and leaned in for a goodnight hug, but of course that mean little thing called CHEMISTRY got in the way and the next thing you knew, they were making out. Secret Slassy pulled away, jumped in her car and hurried home. He sent a message to make sure she was safe and that should have been the end.

Well I'm sure you can figure out what happened next. Every time they were together Secret Slassy and her mad just couldn't stay away from one another. Slowly they began to meet at various locations where they knew no one else would be. When that became too risky they decided that they should only meet at each other’s homes when no one else was around. They had nicknames for one another so no-one could tell who it was if a call came through or if a message was sent. They were living in a secret world and Secret Slassy was happy and having fun. There was just one thing missing - sharing her happiness with those she loved.

The fun continued for a little while, but the relationship had no room for growth. In the end Secret Slassy couldn't keep it up. She wanted to tell others and be together but for some reason they couldn't. She wanted to make the relationship more than it was and in the end she ended up getting hurt - even to this day, there is a sore spot in her heart.

Maybe you've found a way to make it work a secret relationship work and last, if so please share. But for all others, please be careful of what you may be getting yourself into. Just remember – when it stops being fun watch out!

When all things point up but one!

Have you ever met a guy that is perfect for you? You understand each other’s quirks and weird ways. He knows what you want without ever having to tell him. You know when to leave each other alone or when one another needs a companion. When he doesn't call or text within a day you don't worry because you know him and if he knew it bothered you he would call or text. You can fight like cats and dogs and then turn around and act like nothing happened. Everything about this guy is pointing in your favor but one!

This one little problem could differ depending on who it is. Maybe it's your best friend and you have known each other forever. Maybe it's the guy that your girlfriend has always loved. Maybe he's is a colleague and you couldn't imagine what it would do to the office. No matter what you do, there is that one thing that stops you from going forward.

Just the other day I was talking to my mother about this very dilemma. She had just watched the movie "Something Borrowed" and couldn't get over the fact that the girl had just let the guy go and be with her best friend, when all along she was in love with him. My mother looked at me and said "don't ever let anything hold you back from going after what you want - especially if he is available." Now don't misinterpret my mother’s words, if the guy you think is perfect is dating another girl, or better yet married, hands off. But until its official don't wait around for him to get snatched up.

The more I thought about this the more I looked at my relationships with the people who have all the qualities I want out of a partner (there are not that many so it didn't take me long). With each relationship I could only come up with one big reason as to why we shouldn't be together. The funny thing is that the reason had nothing to do with us; it was because of the people or things around us. Now I wonder why I’m letting outside forces control my decisions. Is it because I’m not willing consequences of what would happen if I forgot about the things around me and just focused on me? Is it because I’m scared that if I take it to that level it will change everything? Is it because I’m scared?

I don't have any answers and I don't know what to do - all I know is that my mother made me think. Why do we single girls let everything around us determine what we do and who we are. Why can't we just live and do what we want. Isn't that the most exciting thing about being single - the fact that you don't have to answer to another? But if we aren't going after that one who is perfect because of outside forces are not answering to something or someone? So then what’s the difference in being single and being with someone – no matter we are asking something or someone for permission.

Is the Checklist Holding you Back?

Have you ever created a checklist for the opposite sex? A list of the qualities you want out of your significant other. I have one in my head, but I've never physically written it out.

To be honest I'm afraid to write it down, because it changes as I change. Don't get me wrong, when I was a little girl I created one with my girl friends - wasn't that the concept of the game "MASH." (for those of you who don't know this game you would take a piece of paper and write out 3 guys names, 3 types of cars you wanted to drive, 3 colleges you wanted to attend, 3 occupations, and so forth. Then you or a friend would somehow determine a number and start crossing things off the list wherever the number fell until there was only one thing left in each column. MASH stood for the type of house you would own - Masion, Apartment, Shack, or House.) Now I know this sounds silly, but isn't this kind of what we do with a checklist. We have all these idea of what we want and then we look for someone who will fit?

I've never really been opposed to the idea of a checklist until a few months ago. I was out with some of the girls, having a drink and minding my own business when I spotted a colleague of mine (she is actually one of the VP's at my organization). She was there with some friends and introduced me to a guy she knew that had just moved to the city. We chatted for a little while and then I went back to the girls. Later that week, my colleague asked if she could give my number to the guy so he could get to know some people in the area. I said sure and of course he called. He didn't want me to just show him around instead he wanted to go on a date. I agreed (why not, what did I have to lose).

When he showed up at my door I realized this was never going to happen, he was shorter than me (something I just can't handle – my checklist) but I tried to look past it and thought just maybe. He took me to a very nice restaurant and the conversation was great - at first. He started asking about my beliefs, relationship with my family, where I wanted to be a few years down the road - all the typical questions people ask on a date. The weird thing was that after each comment he agreed with, he would state "CHECK." He was literally taking me through his checklist making sure I matched up. After the third "check" I couldn't take him seriously. All that was going through my head is "are you serious."

Needless to say we did not go out on a second date. Looking back on this situation I have to wonder and ask myself do I have a checklist? Am I so dedicated to my checklist that I'm missing out on what's in front of me? I'm at a stage in my life where I know what I want personality wise, but I think I'm uncertain of looks. For years I have wanted a guy that looks and acts a certain way, but I'm not sure if I really care about that anymore. Is it not enough to find someone who loves me for me? Someone who just wants to make me happy and have fun together? Does he really have to be extremely fit and athletic?

I don't know. But what I do know is that if I stay dedicated to a checklist then how can I grow. Think of all the wonderful things you’ll miss out on. What if that perfect guy is standing in front of you but isn’t as muscular as your list requires? What if he isn’t driving the right car? A checklist gives you no room to explore and really see what’s in front of you.

The One you Can't Let Go

Have you ever been with someone who just keeps coming back? You try dating it doesn't work, you go your separate ways but he just keeps coming back. Every time you’re ready to move on he shows up. It's like you can't get away and the worst part is that you don't know if you want to?

Well I think we have all been there to some extent - I know I have one those in my life. Just the other day I was talking to one of the Slassy Ladies and she was heading out of town. At first she didn't want to tell me where she was going, but finally she broke. She was flying up to see a guy she dated her junior year in college, then again right after college, and then again a year ago. Now Rerun Slassy, as we will call her, has dated plenty of guys in between and wasn’t pining away, but there was something about this guy that she could never let go of. We have had numerous conversations about how he isn't good for her and how she could do better if she would just let him go. Through countless tears, bottles of wine and moments of frustration Rerun Slassy has never been able to let go of this guy. She knows that he isn't the best thing for her but when you give your heart away you have to wait until it's ready to say goodbye, otherwise there is always going to be the what-if.

So off Rerun Slassy went. She had a wonderful weekend, was able to act silly, see a new place, and have fun. We chatted back and forth that Saturday and she seemed happy, but I could tell something wasn't right. She didn't have the excitement and thrill in her voice and messages that normally comes out when she is with him or talking about him. She just seemed content.

When Rerun Slassy returned we were out having a glass or three of wine and I asked "how did it go?" To my surprise she stated "I don't think I'll be seeing much of him anymore." I just kinda sat there, a little shocked but relieved at the same time. She told me all about the things they did and how they had fun, but as the weekend continued she started to realize that this wasn't the kind of life she wanted to live. She wasn't happy and didn't feel as though he was the one.

Now this relationship has been going on for 5 years and this is the first time that I have ever heard her say "he isn't the one." She has said many things to make you think that she is over him, but I truly believe this was the last visit. Her heart finally let him go, it wasn't easy, it took years of struggle but through it all she learned more about what she wants out of a relationship and who she is as a person!

I can promise you as a friend it’s hard to watch someone you care about go through this struggle of figuring out if a guy is right or not, especially when you don't think he is. But I can also promise you, that if you don't let her figure it out the way she needs to, then you aren't being a good a friend and could possibly lose her. She will eventually figure it out and do what is best for her at that time, but she needs to be the one making the decision. No matter what happens, the heart has to be the leader otherwise she'll never fully let him go and she'll always wonder!

The Rebound

Before I start this story I need to tell you that this could possibly be one of the hardest stories for me to write, which is why you are just now hearing about it.

We all know what a "rebound" is and I'm sure most of us have had them. They are a great way to move on, to realize you still got it and guys want you. But what if you fall for your rebound?

When I ended my relationship with my ex I swore to myself that I wouldn't seriously date anyone for at least one year. I said I needed time to heal, to figure out who I was and to just live. I still went on dates and met boys and thought about the future, but I put up a big wall that stopped my heart from talking to anyone. Well it wasn't even a few weeks after my relationship ended that I ran into a guy I had always had a crush on (yes I had a crush on a guy while I was dating another. I didn't want the crush to go anywhere I just always thought he was handsome, sweet and just one of the good ol' boys). Come to find out this crush was now single, freshly single just like me. Nothing had happened between us at that time, but in the back of mine I was happy, I thought "hmmmmm, just maybe." But quickly I put that thought away and just kept on with my life.

Come January I found myself out with a dear girl friend, a few of our mutual friends and my crush; according to those around us, as soon as my crush and I started talking the world ceased to exist. No one could get our attention and no one could stop our conversation. We closed the bar down and it was a week night. These types of nights started happening more and more often. I'll never forget the steps me and my girlfriend would go through to act like we didn't care if we saw him or not - we wanted to play it tough, like it was just a random meeting or that we hadn’t been waiting forever. Shoot some nights when we knew the group guys were going to be an hour later than us, we would drive around and just act silly, when we really should have gone home and said forget it (looking back, I'm so grateful to have had a friend that would do anything to see me happy and I had some of the most fun nights doing those things).

It all started out as a cute little fling. We wouldn't allow ourselves to be alone - that quickly changed. Then we wouldn't allow ourselves to see each other alone at night – again that quickly changed. He was so easy to talk to, and understood why I was so hurt. He was the first person that allowed me to be me. So many times I've been with guys who tried to stifle my personality, put me in a corner, and make me sit still - that I can’t tell you one thing – that aint happening. But this crush was different. He seemed to like the fact that I'm loud and state what's on my mind. He understood that sometimes I just needed to cry and not be strong. He got me - which most people don't (they think they do, but they don't). I kept telling myself that this was just fun, don't get attached - but I was attached. I remember sitting out in the lawn talking to my mother and I could tell she was worried. She knew I wasn't ready and he wasn't ready, but I had fallen and there was nothing she could do but watch me get hurt.

Our little encounters went on for a good two months, when one day I woke up and said I can't do this. This is no longer a rebound, this is a guy I truly like and want to be with, but I can't. His situation didn't allow it and I wasn't ready. Like a baby I sent him a text that said "I can't do this anymore." He immediately called, confused and hurt. We talked and decided that we would figure it out; I shouldn't run just because I was scared we were both scared and on uncomfortable ground – looking back I should have run. From that point on, there was doubt in a relationship with two people who were extremely fragile. Three wonderful weeks went by he was great. He even made it to my birthday when he really didn't have the time to do so. We had fun and it was a great time in my life. But that doubt was always there and eventually he couldn't handle it and now it was his turn to run. I've had my heart broken a few times. And while this didn't hurt nearly as bad as it did when I found out I had been cheated on, it still hurt - a lot. My crush wasn't the type to not respond or just not show up and that's how he ended things. He didn't respond to a message and when he was supposed to be somewhere, he wasn't.

I was lying on the couch after being out of town and he called - 2 hours past the time we were supposed to meet. When he walked in the house I knew something was up. We sat there talking like we normally did and then of course I asked the question - "what's wrong with you?" And it all came out. Things were moving to fast, this wasn't the right time, we just can't do this. I had been waiting for this conversation, because I knew we couldn't be together, but it still hurt. I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. Not only had he become someone I cared for, but he had become a close friend.

Luckily we were able to maintain our friendship. He talks to me about the girls he wants to date and I talk to him about guys. Yea, it’s weird, very weird - but it works. To be honest sometimes it gets to me and it hurts. There is a place in my heart for this crush because he was there during a very difficult time. He was the first guy that made me realize that it's ok to be me and that this crazy, bubbly, loud, over-the-top girl is person that someone will love. I don't need to change in anyway shape or form. I just need to be proud and secure with who I am.

There's a song out there that sums up everything I felt for my crush and still do:

So the next time you have a rebound be careful. He may sneak up on you and be something more than you expected.  

When your parents end up on an unexpected date!

Hey guys - sorry it's been so long since my last blog post but I've been on the road traveling for my job. I thought I would have plenty of time to write while on the road, but I have to be honest and tell you the road is crazy - I've had more adventures in these past two months than I did all summer. Don't worry, I'll share all these stories soon enough.

Today I want to talk about parents and dates.

Just this past weekend I went to a Western Carolina football game with my parents, my sister from another mother, her husband and her parents - yes I was only single person in the group (oh well). So we started tailgating at noon, went up to the VIP area, watched the game, and then headed back to the tailgate. We are all sitting there when this guy comes up and starts talking to the group. He's a little bit older, but very nice, good looking and seems put together and decides he likes me. He was chattin it up with the friends and family just hanging out.

I thought it was a little odd that he was alone just walking around until we learned that his friends were all at the local pub waiting for him, but he was intoxicated and couldn't drive. Now my sister from another mother has a mother that is trouble when you put her and me together. She gets the bright idea that I'm going drive him to the bar. Well I ask him what he drives and he proceeds to tell him that is in the brand new BWM 5 series (in case you didn't know I have thing for cars - I like them, a lot). So at that point I said, "of course." As soon as the words come out of my mouth I glance over at my father who looks horrified. His baby girl is getting ready to get in the car with this older gentleman, who we have never met, is extremely intoxicated, and is going to give her directions to a bar we don't know – something most Dad’s don’t want to hear.

So I look at my girl-friend and her husband and say "make sure your close behind." They agree to come and get me so off we go. The guy was very nice and the place was only 10 minutes down the road. So we get to the bar and he offers me a drink. We are sitting there with his friends’ when I see my girl-friend and wave her over. In the middle of the wave I see my mother, father, and everyone else. This is great – seriously! I’m thinking we are all going to have a few drinks, hang out and just enjoy the bar - wrong. They didn't want to stay at the bar - we were headin to dinner - but I couldn't leave my drink. So the family and friends stood on the wall facing our seats and watched our conversation. Never in my life have I felt so awkward. I mean its one thing for your parents to be there doing their own thing, but it’s another when they are standing there watching you like a hawk. (I can't stop laughing thinking about this poor guy and what he must have been thinking).

Needless to say I quickly downed the drink, thanked him and wished him farewell. I'm pretty good in most situations, but having your parents watch your every move with a guy you just met, is weird. So, the next time your parents ask to meet the guy you are talking to, or they try to set you up with someone - make sure there are things for them to do; otherwise you may end up like me!

Swingers

So I promised in my last blog that I would share with you one of my crazy adventures on the road. If you have already held a job that requires you to travel for an extensive amount of time you will know that every day is an adventure and you can never predict what will happen next. Well this story is one for the books!!

Just this past spring I was in Nashville, TN (one of my favorite cities) with a few colleagues from other areas of the nation. Our day normally starts around 7:30 and runs till 8:30 that evening. So yes, we are exhausted by the end of the day, but if you have ever been to Nashville you understand that if you have a passion for live music you must go out. Even if you don't have a passion for music and you like to go out and have a good time, then Nashville is the place to go! I have been traveling there for 5 years (2 to 3 times a year) and every time I have a blast. If you have been keeping up with the blog you know that I like to go out and be social, I'm not the type of person who enjoys sitting in a hotel room alone so this is a city for me!

Well we had finished up one of our long days and everyone was exhausted and punked out, except one - Travel Boy. Travel Boy is a dear friend of mine that I have been working with for the past 4 years. He is my go to guy in the state of TN. Anytime I am in TN, he's there and is always willing to go out and do something. Just so you know Travel Boy and I are just friends, we have never hooked up, kissed, or even been on a date - he's just one of my dear friends. It's always nice to have Travel Boy around because he knows when to step in and play the role of boyfriend or just let the conversation happen. It often works in his favor because most of the time he becomes friends with guy as well and we have a blast. (It works in my favor as well if the situation is switched)

On this particular evening Travel Boy picked me up from my hotel and we headed to Broadway. A friend from home told me I had to check out this place called Paradise Park so we did. The music was great; there wasn't a huge crowd, just a good ol' hang out spot. Travel Boy and I were sitting at a table enjoying the music when this girl popped out of nowhere and joined us. She waited for the song to end and then introduced herself. She started telling us how it was her birthday and she was so excited because her boyfriend just popped the question and so on. Travel Boy and I were completely entertained by this girl, she was a little tipsy but really easy to talk to and funny. A few moments later her boyfriend showed up with a pitcher of beer and 4 cups. He sat right down filled up the cups and handed them out. Travel Boy and I looked at each and said "Well here's to Nashville" (looking back on this situation this was not a smart idea. If you do not know someone and you are in a strange bar with strange/new people do not accept their drink, especially if you didn't see the bar tender poor it).

The guy ended up playing pool with Travel Boy and the girl and I danced the night away. About an hour into meeting these people I started to feel a little weird. The girl kept talking about her boyfriend and how good he was in bed. How she had never been with anyone as great, willing to experiment and just loving. I can understand the first time (weird because I really don't know you, but whatever). When she kept on and on describing details of things they do I started to get a little uncomfortable. She then started asking about Travel Boy - if we were together (I immediately answered yes), how was he in bed, what types of things we like to do together (like crazy freaky things). I didn't know how to answer the questions I just kinda nodded and let her keep talking.

I ran off to the bathroom and before I reached the door Travel Boy grabbed my arm and asked if I was ok. I told him yeah but that this girl is starting to freak me out. He said "good, because this guy is crazy" apparently he had been asking Travel Boy the same questions and telling him the same sort of stories. Within 10 minutes we had said our goodbyes and ran off to the next bar.

The next morning Travel Boy and I were reminiscing over the night with another colleague of ours when Travel Boy told me that the guy asked him if we were willing to experiment with new people. I then realized that this couple wanted to SWING.

What I have learned is that if you ever find a couple expressing their sex life with you and you don't know them - RUN (unless you’re into that sort of thing).  

Do's and Don'ts on the Road

In case you didn't know my job requires a tremendous amount of travel. I have been home maybe 4 full days in the past month, so I get to see a lot of interesting things on the road. One of the most interesting things I have come to realize is how open people are when they know you are not from their town. I have learned so much about various individuals - many whom I will never see or hear from again. Because of this I have learned a lot about what you should and should not do while on a trip.

1) Don't be afraid to travel alone - you will meet a lot of interesting people, some may even become a dear friend. Trust me I hate being alone more than anything, but when I travel I never find myself alone.

2) Sit at the bar when you go out to a restaurant - this makes it easier for you to meet other people.

3) Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with the person beside you. Just last week I met two amazing musicians from Scotland who I ended up hanging out with the rest of the week. Come to find out these guys are a big deal in Europe - Check out one of their videos!

4) Don't do anything that you might regret later on in life - If you are not a promiscuous person, don't use this time to suddenly become that type of a person. Trust me you will regret your mistakes and it will probably get back to your boss or friends

5) Be adventurous and try the local hole in the wall pub don't just go to the chain restaurant. I know we all love the CheeseCake Factory, but there are a lot of really cool places to try.

6) Ask the locals what they do for fun and then check it out - Just 2 weeks ago I was in New Orleans and found myself tired of Bourbon Street. So I went with some of the locals to their hangout spot and I have to tell you I had one of the best nights of my life. I was dancing up a storm, listening to some incredible music and eating street food.

7) Don't forget to tell your family and friends where you are. If you travel alone it's always nice to check in with someone consistently. I'm extremely independent and drive my mother crazy because I always forget to tell her where I am, but I talk to someone everyday and let them know where I am.

8) Most of all have fun!

I have a lot more to add to this list and will probably write another blog about some juicy story that happened on the road - trust me there are a lot. Maybe next time I tell you about the swingers from Nashville who tried to take me and a guy friend home!

 



Stop Trying to be Perfect

Have you ever wanted to do something special for a guy - something unexpected knowing he would love it?

Just the other day I was talking to one of the Slassy Ladies about some of the crazy things I've done to try and make everything around me perfect. After a good laugh I decided why not share one of the stories with you all!

One thing you should know about me is that I am not domestic. I mean I know how to sew, clean, cook, do all those things that are "expected" of women, but I would never consider myself "domestic." I hate to cook - well I used to hate to cook - I don't mind it so much now, but I used to despise cooking. I hated it so much, that I would offer to clean the bathroom to get out of cooking. Well one night I decided to surprise the guy I was dating and cook this elaborate meal. I spent a solid 3 hours working on this meal - Cornish Hens, twice baked potatoes, Caesar salad, fresh veggies, and last but not least homemade cake (my great aunts recipe). I was fabulous, I pulled out the candles, turned on the music, put on a cute little outfit, and everything was PERFECT. I was so proud of myself and all my hard work, he was ecstatic and couldn't believe I went to all this trouble.

When it was time to serve the cake I had made it a point to purchase quality coffee, I bought fresh beans and was ready to go. The only thing left to do was cut the cake and put the coffee in the pot. So I pull out the cake, grab the coffee and realize - I forgot to grind the beans and now the store is closed - SHIT. Once I put my mind to something I make it happen and I was determined to make this coffee. I decided to figure out a way to grind the beans without a grinder. I tried everything under the sun, to the point that I put the coffee beans in a zip lock bag, wrapped the bag in a towel, found a hammer, went to the porch and proceed to hammer the bag of beans. My date is sitting inside laughing, he had tried to stop me, but realized it was just going to cause a fight - he needed to let me be. I spent 1 full hour on the porch pounding a bag of coffee beans, because I wanted to make the night PERFECT.

Looking back at this night I laugh at myself - WHAT WAS I THINKING? We didn't need the coffee, everything else had been great. The problem was me, I wasn't able to let go and just live. My so called plans met a speed bump and I couldn't get over the hump. I was stuck and missed out on an hour of quality time to beat a bag of beans.

But hey – I got my cup of coffee!!!!!

Do you have it all figured out?

Do you think you have it all figured out?

Do you know what it is that you want to do with the rest of your life? Do you have your 5 year plan?

If so, good for you! If not, don't worry - most of us don't. But I want to write this blog specifically for those you who think you have it all figured out!

There was once a girl who had it all figured it out. She knew exactly who she wanted to marry, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life, knew how many kids she was going to have, where she was going to live - everything was planned. Life was going exactly the way she wanted. Whenever a road block came along she fixed it, smoothed everything out and went along her merry way. If people didn't follow her plan she moved them to the side and found people that would. She THOUGHT her life was great. It wasn't until she realized she had missed out on life and the suprise adventures that she realized she wasn't happy. She was doing everything possible to find happiness, while the whole time it was right in front of her. She just refused to accept it and live.

I'm telling you these things not to make you change your plans, but I just want you to make sure your living life to the fulliest. It's easy to be the person you think everyone wants you to be, but is that the person that you meant to be?

So for right now I'm not going to tell you a story or give you an example. I just want you to think about your life. Are you living it for yourself and are you happy? If you can't find happiness in the things that you are doing is it really what you were meant to do?

Dating - It's like trying on a pair of jeans!!!

Have you ever felt crazy because you weren’t in a relationship?

Has anyone ever made you feel bad about yourself because you weren’t ready to be married?

I ask you these questions because one of the youngest Slassy Ladies is currently dealing with these things. Baby Slassy is only 23 years old; however her best friend is currently engaged and will soon be married. You may remember when the first of your girl friends took the plunge and got hitched.  Everyone seems to get wedding fever and if you don’t you feel weird, left out, and sometimes lonely. But should you?

Baby Slassy was once in a wonderful relationship with a great guy, however there seemed to be something missing. Baby Slassy wanted more than her boyfriend could give her so they parted ways and she continued to date other guys. In the meantime her best friend was in a serious relationship with the same young man who she had been dating since she was 16 years old. Now he was quite a bit older, 21, and a bit mature considering he is the military. Baby Slassy’s best friend is now engaged to this man, however she has sacrificed a lot of things to be with him – she missed her senior prom and almost skipped her high school graduation, and has never kissed another man. Now Baby Slassy’s best friend is 22 and will soon be married. She’s happy and ready for marriage however she believes that Baby Slassy should be focused on marriage as well, but she isn’t. Instead she is out there living life with the belief that everything happens for a reason. Baby Slassy is trying to figure out what type of a man she wants to be with. “It’s just like a pair of jeans. Some fit better than others and some may look right on you but not on others.”

We tell people to be independent, however many people believe that you can’t live a fulfilled and happy life, unless you get married. Baby Slassy is a college graduate, fully employed, living debt free and single – isn’t that something to proud of and excited about?  Why does society push people to get married when they aren’t ready? Why do friends feel as though they have to do everything together and at the same time?

There are no two people just alike. We all have to live our own lives, making our own decisions and mistakes. Sometimes those things may happen at the same time as others around us, but often they will happen at very different moments and that’s ok.

You may have found your perfect pair of jeans or maybe your still looking. But remember, just because they are perfect for you, doesn’t mean that they will be right for you friends!!!

It's ok to say NO

Have you ever felt so consumed with projects and obligations that you started to feel as though your life was spinning out of control, the weight of the world was on your shoulders and you were missing out on everything?

 Well that's where I am right now. Don't get me wrong, I have a great time with the things that I am involved in and I love everything that I do - however I'm not sure if I'm doing them because I'm afraid of being free and having free time or if I'm doing them for the right reasons.

Now you may be asking yourself what does this have to do with being single - A LOT.

In one of the first few blogs I told you to go out there and just live, do things that you had never done before, start your bucket list. So if you are following my advice or have done this on your own accord, you may be involved in various different things. You may have joined a board or a young professionals group. Maybe you joined a bible study, became active in a book club, or maybe you joined everything and anything you've ever wished you had joined.

BUT ARE YOU HAPPY

I've always been the overactive, extremely involved and too committed girl. Shoot I remember one time in college I was a cheerleader, staring in a play, working, holding down 21 credit hours, serving as a VP in my sorority and still trying to have a life (well we all know that wasn't happening). I had become so involved, that I couldn't live for me or in the moment. Everylittle moment of my life was planned and I feel as though I missed out – actually I know I missed out on a lot of crazy adventures. When I graduated college I felt a void and had to find new activities, so I invested myself in my ex, his life, and things he loved (this is not a good idea). It wasn't until he moved away that I realized I needed to get my own life - so I did.

When I became single, I went crazy thinking I had all this free time and increased all my commitments and obligations to things I had joined. Why did I do this? If I'm honest it's because I'm afraid of the free time. I'm afraid of sitting at home with nothing to do. In other words I'M AFRAID. I'm so afraid of being alone that I find projects or people who need help and try to fix their issues. I do this because, yes I like to help others, but in all reality, I know that if I'm consumed with someone else and their issues, I don't have to focus on mine.

You can live like this for so long and then you start letting others down. Just the other day I did just that, I let a lot of people down. I am so consumed in my commitments and promises to do things or be someone, that when I need time to just relax, live in the moment, or do nothing, I end up hurting others.

So why am I telling you all this. I want you to be aware of what can happen if you don't limit yourself and deal with your insecurities of being alone. Eventually your body will say stop, your mind will want to be free and you will have to give up some of your commitments. If you don't want to hurt those around you then know your limits and only promise what you know you can do. In other words - learn to say NO.

People are going to ask you to sign up and do everything under the sun, especially if they know you are single (“I mean what else do you have to do - it's not like you have a family” Have you ever heard that). Well if you have and they are asking you to do something that you are not 100 percent committed to, say no - otherwise you will hate yourself and in the end whatever you said yes to won't be a great as it could have been.

So yes, go out there a live your life. But do so living for the things that you love and you’re passionate about. Be willing to say NO and don't forget to give yourself time to rest, breathe and live in the moment. A dear friend once told me, “you can’t always be perfect and do everything for everyone” so stop trying and just live for you.

Why do we hide from the truth?

Why do we hide our true feelings and make it difficult for a man to know what we think or want?

Just the other day I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine. He's an interesting character - sweet, charming, handsome, a catch except he isn't ready to be caught. He's out living his life, growing up, figuring out who he really is and what he really wants. There's just one problem - the girls keep falling for him. These are very good girls who see a guy that seems to have it together and they fall, knowing they shouldn't. He's not the kind that wants to hurt another person, however just like most guys he can't read between the lines. He's not listening to the underlining words; instead he's listening to exactly what the girl is telling him (the false truth). In the end he's doing exactly what he doesn't want to do - making a girl fall in love with him when he can't love her back, therefore breaking her heart.

I spent 3 hours in the car last night thinking about this conversation. If the girl had been telling me this story I would have deemed the guy an ASS. I would have thought - "You knew she was falling for you and you were too selfish to look past your own wants and desires to see what you were doing" "How could you not see the signs, really?" To be honest, this is what was going through my head while I was talking to the guy. The weird thing about this conversation is that for some reason I couldn't get it out of my head. The time he was telling me these things I could see the confusion in his face. He even asked me to write out exactly what a girl means when she says or does something. In other words he wanted a guide book to women!!!

So during this car ride I asked myself - why do we make it so difficult for guys to truly understand what we want or think? Why are we afraid to tell them the truth - I LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO DATE YOU. No, I don't want to be just friends, and if that's all you want then I can't do this. No, I will not sleep with you unless you want to date me and only me.

What is it that makes us hide the truth??

Best Birthday Present Ever!!!!

In an earlier post I mentioned that the Slassy Ladies LOVE birthdays!!!! In a week, one of the ladies will celebrate her birthday and we have been heavy in preparation. As we were reminiscing about some of our past parties, we remembered a very unique story/birthday gift:

The Slassy Ladies moved into house earlier this year, so we had to set up all the necessary utilities - one of those being Security. So it was a mid Saturday morning, early in the spring (just when it starts to get warm) and I was in a cleaning mood! Now when I clean I like to dress in my little shorts and sports bra - with my hair up on my head. Now if I know/remember someone is coming I will put a little more on, but on this day I forgot the CPI guy was coming. So here I am jamming out to my Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood elbows deep in cleaning supplies when the doorbell rings. At first I thought it was one of the girls who had forgotten their key, so I just ran over to the door and pulled it wide open. There standing before me was this very cute young man who looked shell shocked (I don't think he was expecting such a "cheerleader"). He just stood there and I just stood there shocked for a good minute and then finally I said "How can I help you?" He pulled it together to tell me that he was with CPI and there to connect our security.

Well 45 minutes later one of the girls shows up and sees that the CPI guy is here and looks at me and just laughs. He proceeds to ask for my number, just in case he forgot to tell us anything - gullible me believes him. But before he leaves he notices that we have a deer head hanging in our living room wall. Curious, he asks why 4 girls have a deer head mounted on their wall. "Because we have a Mallard Ball (which is a cameo party) for my birthday this weekend - you should come." He said he would think about it and heads out the door.

2 days later one of the Slassy Ladies pulls into the drive way and sees something on our porch, but she can't make out what it is. As she walks up to the door she is startled because she is staring at a mounted deer head with a big ol' birthday bow and a card that says "Happy Birthday Leah Beth."

About an hour later I show up at home and when I walk in the door, my roommate who found the deer head just looks at me and shakes her head. I'm a little confused but walk into my room to see a deer head laying my bed. I have no idea where this came from or who would give it to me until I open and card see that it is from CPI guy!

Now I know you are thinking - REALLY. But I have to be honest and tell you this is probably the best birthday gift I have ever received. It was funny, creative, and it showed he was paying attention. CPI guy knew we were having a CAMEO themed party and so he wanted to add to the decorations. To this day the deer head is still in our house - not the living room - the attic!

So be careful ladies - you know never know what you may get from a guy who wants to take you on a date - if your cards right, you may end up with a deer head as well!!!!!!

Middle School Never Ends

So just this past weekend the Slassy girls and I decided to take off to the beach!!! Even though we have been out of middle school for a very long time, we realized that no matter how old you get, some things never change - and maybe that's not a bad thing.

So Taken Slassy has a wonderful man who invited us to join him and his friends at the beach. Of course there were 3 girls and 3 boys in one house and taken Slassy in her normal manner, decided to play matchmaker. Throughout the weekend Taken Slassy would tell us girl’s one thing while her man would tell the boys different things.

At dinner on Saturday night the girls went to the bathroom (and of course we had to go together). While we were in the bathroom, Taken Slassy started telling us who likes who and "the scoop" while her man was telling the boys the exact same thing but in man terms - "you’re in, now just don't screw it up." When the Slassy's returned to the table you could tell that something had changed; there was a since of confidence in the air. However that silly nervous feeling combined with girly giggling was also there.

On our way home from the restaurant the boys’ rode in one car while the girls went in the other (why do we always have to spilt up - boys on one side, girls on the other). This type of behavior continued on into the night. The girls all grouped into one corner to talk, dance and just be silly while the guys stayed in the other playing games, shooting the shit and doing whatever it is that guys do. Luckily there is always that one friend who realizes how awkward and weird this situation has become. Taken Slassy and her man decided to put a stop to this and make sure that each person in the house found a "date."

Eventually their evil plan worked, one slassy found herself on the beach while the other hid away in the room -"7 minutes in heaven" can happen anywhere - who needs a closet! Of course we couldn't just leave it be, the girls have to find each other and discuss every detail of the night and what we thought about the guys, what the future might hold, and just giggle.

It wasn't until the next day, when the Slassy ladies were walking down the beach that this realization hit us. Will middle school ever end and should it? Everything that happened that weekend was silly, fun and adventurous. We let ourselves act like kids and just live. Taken Slassy found herself playing matchmaker, her favorite role, while the rest of us let her do it, without questioning her methods. But is this not what really happens every day?  How many times have you tried to set your friends up, you will tell them almost anything just to get them to at least spend a little time together? So why not just accept the fact that we are all kids at heart and if we just let it be and stop worrying about everything else we can have a great weekend!

Can you Love Again

How do you open your heart to someone once you've been hurt?

This is the question I'm currently asking myself. I don't have answers in this post. I have a story - but there is no conclusion.

Next week marks the year anniversary of my single life and in this past year I have learned more about myself, met some amazing people and have had a blast. The only thing that is missing is that I'm afraid to love, because I'm afraid of being hurt. I've become my own worse enemy.

Just the other day I had a very close friend tell me that I don't trust people. If you know me then you must realize how much this hurt, but it's the truth. I love people and I give people the benefit of a doubt - well everyone except those that I would want to date. If you are someone I might date and if there is any chemistry between us then I'm going to push you away. We can be friends and talk about your life all you want, but if you try to get close to me then I'm going to run as fast as I can. I'm not proud of this, and I really didn't even realize I was doing this until a little less than a month ago.

I was hanging out with a guy that I adore - he is handsome, kind, caring, dependable, fun, silly (you get the point) - we had been hanging out for a while and every time he tried to get close I did something to put up a boundary. One day he made a joke about being a "bad boyfriend" and before he could even finish the sentence I shot back "you are not my boyfriend so don't even worry." Why did I have to say anything? The look on his face was heartbreaking - he looked confused, nervous, and shocked all at the same time. Once again I dug a grave. I shot down a great guy for no reason expect my fear of being hurt. 

I don't want to be that girl. I'm not bitter and I'm not mad at my ex. I'm just scared. Some people say that I haven't met the right guy, because if I had he wouldn't let me go. But to be honest, I think they are just trying to make me feel better. I've met some wonderful men over the past year, but I've never really given them a chance to love me because I refuse to let down my guard. You can only push someone away for so long before he leaves for good.

So now I have a question for you all - How do I learn to open my heart and trust?

Live for the Moment!

One of my favorite things about being single is all the silly random adventures I've been able to partake in!!! Yes, you can still do these things when you are in a relationship - but let's be honest - have you ever turned down something that sounded like a lot of fun because you didn't want to leave your boy or you didn't think he would want you to do it - especially if you are in a not so healthy relationship? Well, now that you are single you don't have to worry about anyone expect yourself - so it's time to get SILLY and live for the moment!!!!!

This past January "Cruisin Slassy" and I took a trip around the Caribbean!!! The only I reason I was able to go on this trip is because "Cruising Slassy" and her ex ended things 2 months before they were supposed to start their travel. She needed someone to fill the spot and I was the single friend who said pick me!!!!
I have to tell you, this was the trip of the year. There was nothing holding us back, no one to check in with, we both could be free and do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and talk to whoever we wanted (yes, I'm aware of the run-on sentence but I wanted you to understand how free and excited we were). Everything about this trip was amazing; the food, the people the adventures, the sites, everything.

The highlight of the trip happened the next to the last night on the boat. We had just left Jamaica and were headin home. "Cruisin Slassy" and I weren't ready for the fun to be over so we started talking and decided what better way to end a great vacation that to throw a bar crawl on a cruise ship!!!!. So we did - We began our adventure at our favorite place with our favorite bar tender. In the beginning it was just 4 of us, but 8 bars later our little plan had turned into a 40 person deep bar crawl. All we did was have a little fun, make a plan and invite anyone to join. We even asked an 80 year old rancher, who joined us for one drink (I think his wife had more fun than him). Everyone was and everyone seemed to have a blast. It was a great time and success that people old and young were telling us that this event was the highlight of the cruise ship activities. Even the Cruise Director asked us how we pulled this off. Needless to say it was one silly adventure that I will never forget!

I wanted to share this story with you because you can have fun and be silly and crazy at any point with any person. Just grab a girlfriend or 5 and live. You don't need to sit at home and wait around for someone. You will have a blast if you just go out there and live your life with no inhibitions. Take advantage of every situation. If you put yourself out there you may find a little luck and a new adventure. So the next time one of your girlfriends or you has the desire to do something crazy - like throw a bar crawl on cruise ship - go for it. You may just end up having one of the best nights of your life!

Go be a Rockstar and act SILLY - the only person stopping you is YOU!

Don't be a VICTIM

VICTIM: a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, or by the dishonesty of others

When you start your SINGLE adventure is easy to play the role of the victim (shoot many people do this while they are in a relationship); "my ex was so awful - look at all the mean things he did to me, I'll never be the same because of him, He ruined my life" and so forth. We've all thought these things and said them to someone at some point, but eventually it has to stop. You’re SINGLE not dead. Your life is not over - heck in my opinion this is just the beginning!!! Maybe he was an asshole, but guess what - you don't have to deal with him ever again, so stop talking about him.

Now that you've moved, on its time to figure out how you never get in yourself in that situation again; the unhappy relationship where you feel victimized. So let's break down victim:

1) A person who is deceived or cheated: If someone cheats on you leave his ass as fast as possible. If you ignore it or take him back, you are allowing this action to continue. Don't give me lip or excuses on how he's changed. 1 out of ever 100 may change, and your boyfriend is probably not that one. YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON, only that person can change and they have to want to do it, not for you but for them. If you take that cheater back and he cheats on you again - you are not a victim you are just crazy (I was that crazy girl - so I'm speaking from experience)

2) As by his or her own emotions or ignorance: Girls, we tend to do this often. I know we all want to have the love story that you see in the movies - shoot give me Channing Tatum in Dear John any day. If we catch even the smallest glimpse of that dream we take ever other action, word, and look that poor boy does to mean more than it is. We make ourselves believe that our love story is coming true and then we fall head over heels for that guy, when he really wasn't thinking or trying to give off that vibe. He was just getting to know you, and did you really let him see the true you in 3 dates (I don't think so). Don't drop everything right away, make him work for it just a little. Sleeping with him on the first date is not going to make him stay with you - ask most guys. Don't let your emotions screw it up. Be the strong, fun, independent woman you were meant to be!

3) By the dishonesty of others: If someone tells you they are going to do something and they don't, you can get upset and be mad. I know we like to make excuses for the guys, but they don't need excuses. If a guy really likes you and tells you he is going to do something or be somewhere - he will be there!! Don't let him off the hook - its one thing if he lets you know that something came up, but if this starts to be the norm, stop wasting your time and move on. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering if your boyfriend or husband is going to make it to your dinner reservations?

Here's the thing

DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM!!!!

You don't have to be the victim. It takes two people to make the relationship work and if you aren't happy then get out. Don't stay with someone who doesn't keep his word, or who makes you wonder if they really like you. You should never question your self-worth with the man you love. He will tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are if you allow yourself to find the right guy. I want to encourage you to stop dating the guy you normally date - try someone completely different and see what happens. Sometimes we get in the way of love. We are so busy trying to find it that we really don't know what it is. STOP and just live. If something bad happens during a date get over it and move on

DON'T BE THE VITCIM!

Just when you think its over - HE RETURNS

We've all heard the song - "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor

But how many of you have actually experienced the true drama in this song - probably all of us!

WHY?

Why is it that the men we love decide to leave and then return? We talked about why they leave in the last post, but why do they come back. I’m not talking about a fling; I’m talking about an actual boyfriend. Now this is not the case for all men, sometimes they are gone for good, but what about those that seem to never leave you alone. Just when you've picked up the pieces of your life and are ready to love again - they show up. This guy will say all the right things, be extremely romantic and often give you everything you ever thought you wanted. But will it last or will he just disappear in a couple months?

Remember ladies, I was in a 7 year relationship, however those 7 years were on again and then off. One moment he loved me and wanted to marry me, the next he was ready to move on. This is not a place you want to be, first you start losing confidence in yourself (why does he keep leaving, what did I do wrong, how can I change) and if and when he does return, you may try to change and become what you THINK he wants. Now we've got big trouble (you are no longer your true self, the person he fell in love with, the person you are best at being). If you can't love who you are and be proud of your identity and characteristics - why should he? 

I completely forgot who I was; my mother looked at me one day and said "can I please have my daughter back." I just wanted to be with my Ex - at all cost. I will never forget the summer we graduated from college. I finally ended it with him (or so I thought), we did not communicate for a good 2 months. Now this is the longest we had ever been on a break so I started to think he was gone, but I don't know if I was ready for him to be gone for good. Randomly I would see a text message from him and I would send a message back. Or if I was sad/drunk/whatever I would send something to him. He was my comfort and I was his - it was easy (yea right).

So needless to say we ended up getting back together. He took to me wonderful restaurants, sent me flowers, said the most wonderful things and even brought me jewelry. Yes, I was a sucker and said oh he has changed and now we can finally be together. Let’s just say that didn't work - In the end he never changed. At first he did, that is until he realized he had me. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t easy for him. I didn't trust him and anything he did I questioned – I didn’t trust him. We could never find that solid foundation that is so important in relationships. He knew he was always going to screw up and I was waiting for the bottom to drop out like always. So after two years of a decent try it ended for good - and I have to be honest I am very happy it did. I now love who I am and everything about me!

So why did this keep happening - why did he keep coming back?

 I didn't want to speculate, I really wanted to know why guys do this so I asked around. (I did not ask my ex - we aren't on those kinds of speaking terms - remember the wedding story). Well here is what the guys say:

"I left because I wanted to get some from somewhere else and then realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I knew she still had feelings and I wouldn't have to work as hard to get back with her. If she takes me back, now I know I have the upper hand and my confidence is pretty strong"

"I'm going back to what was good, I realized I messed up and needed to fix my mess"

"I may want her again, but I really just need to say I'm sorry"

"I left because I knew there were things about me I needed to fix t, now that those things are good I'm ready to take that next step with her"

"It was easy, she's comfortable, and it’s a great way to stay occupied until something else turns up - hey I may even realize she's the one"

And last but not least a wise man said:

 "Guys don't always change, the relationship is going to go back to the way it was before. The same things that drove him away the first time will probably happen again. The girl shouldn't take him back - if she does she's just allowing him to do as he pleases without thinking of her. If he really wanted her, he wouldn't have left"

So there you have it ladies - You don't have to take him back, even if your heart is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it may not be. Or, he may be one of the good ones who just needed to fix his own life before bringing someone else into it. No matter what, I think you need to have a true "come to Jesus meeting" and ask those hard questions: Did he make me a better person? Do I really love him or do I just love being in a relationship? Are we better friends than a couple? And so forth - you know what you need to ask.

Please remember - don't get mad at men, there are women who act this exact same way. I wanted to be with my EX because he was comfortable, I didn't have to try and figure him out, but I wasn't a better person and I wasn't happy. It takes two to make a relationship work.

So go out there and know that if HE does come back - you will survive if you say NO!!!!

Men who just Disappear - WHY?

Have you ever met someone who one moment was all about you and the next gone?

Well you are not alone, it seems as though this happens quite often to all types of women. The question is WHY? Why is it that guys will leave without any warning or excuse - they are just gone?

This has happened to me many times throughout this past year. I'll go on a few dates with a guy, think things are great and moving forward, then all of sudden he will stop calling or contacting me. He is GONE. Just the other day I was talking to a girl friend of mine who was and confused and upset. She had met this wonderful guy who really seemed to be interested in her. They talked on the phone almost every day and spent 2 to 3 days a week together, just having fun and getting to know one another. This was going on for a good 3 to 4 weeks when all of sudden the phone calls stopped. Text message responses became very short and concise. He would sometimes return calls or sometimes he would "forget" or "be tied up." Eventually she stopped trying and just let him go. Nothing changed between them, there were no signs that he wasn't happy, he was just gone.

This puzzled me because it happens so often to all types of girls. I decided to would ask the source (MEN), why do you just disappear with no warning? After polling all sorts of guys I have a found a common theme and ladies you aren't going to like it, but it's what they say. Are you ready?

HE JUST WASN’T THAT INTO YOU

(Hey, isn't there a book/movie with this title)

According to one source "someone else came along who caught my eye and she seemed a little more fun and challenging." Now don't start hating men, because let's be honest - we ladies do the exact same thing. We may not do it as often, or we may not be as short with our answers as the men folk, but you can't tell me you have never talked to two guys at once and eventually cut ties with one of them, if not both for no apparent reason.

Here's the thing. If you are talking to a guy and he stops putting in the effort, then you should know he may not be that into you. If a man wants to be with you he will make the effort to talk to you and be with you. I know it's hard to let go of someone, especially if you really thought there was something special. But just remember, you deserve the world and there is a wonderful man out there who will give you exactly what you need. Don't settle for someone who is only sometimes there; find someone who is ALWAYS there!!!

Can Boys and Girls just be friends?

There is an age old question that has been debated for years: Can a girl and a boy be friends?

The other day I was having a conversation with "Mr. Trouble" pertaining to this exact topic. "Trouble" is a ladies’ man - he has many women that would like to date him, but he is living the dream. To quote him "why buy a cow when you can have the milk for free" in other words why settle for one girl when you can have them all!! But can this way of life last? 

How many of you girls have been around a guy that you like, knowing that he does not want to be in a relationship, but you still hang around. You tell yourself that if you are his friend and he sees how wonderful you are then of course he will fall in love with you. Does this work - sometimes but it comes at a very high risk. This can backfire and fast.

So "Mr. Trouble" made it clear to "Miss Hopeful" that all he wanted was friendship; maybe a little cuddling here and there but nothing serious. Of course, "Miss Hopeful" says that this is all she wants as well, and maybe that was the case at first, but "Mr. Trouble" is a charmer, and "Miss Hopeful" didn't have a chance. The more they hung out the more she began to like him and the harder she falls. I'm sure she kept telling herself to stay strong and he would turn around, but like most men "Mr. Trouble" doesn't see the signs. He thinks everything is normal and she is just being a cool fun girl. Well as with most drunk nights, things that you don't plan on happening HAPPEN. Two friends of the opposite sex find themselves alone and in a place where it can go to the next level or not. Nine times out of ten it’s going to that level. The level where most girls become attached (remember there is an exception to every rule).

This night happens and now "Miss Hopeful" wants a relationship and "Mr. Trouble" isn't ready. In his mind it’s not his fault that she is now attached. He made it clear from the beginning that all he wanted was friendship. "Miss Hopeful" was the one to break the rules, she fell for him, and now she is hurt. So once again I ask, can a girl and a boy just be friends?

I say no if there is any type of an attraction. Guys don't understand boundaries and girls think with their emotions. Something that is casual and fun can quickly turn serious for one party and not the other. When this happens someone gets hurt. Now, as I said before there is an exception to ever rule. If that girl is adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship - this can be for various reasons: she is healing from a past relationship, focused on her career and only her career, or knows she is leaving the area soon - then this friendship may work. But for the most part this relationship is dangerous.

If that girl and that guy have no attraction to one another then I think the friendship can work; or if there is a 3rd party, like your best friends boyfriend/husband. Now, you may be arguing with me right now or you are trying to think of all your guy friends, but come on ladies, be honest with yourself. We've all seen "When Harry met Sally" or Ross and Rachel from "Friends." If you are hanging out with a guy and sharing intimate details of your life with him and there is any sort of attraction, you will find yourself falling in love with him.

For all you guys reading this blog keep this fact in mind. If you know she likes you and you take it to that level without wanting anything in return, then you share some of the blame!!!!!

Keep it Classy

No matter the situation you may find yourself in a true Slassy Lady always keeps in CLASSY!!!!

Earlier this week I shared with you the time I had to face my Ex, but I didn't finish the story.....

So the wedding was a success and I faced my demon (the EX) but that wasn't the end of the night. As with any great event there is always an after party. The after party was held at the same house the ex and his new girl were staying. The tricky part is that this house happens to be the boyfriend of one of my very best friends. This boyfriend is almost like a brother to me and there was no way I was going to miss this party. So I jumped in the car with the best friend and her boyfriend and headed to the party (his house). I'll never forget the moment I walked into the house. The new girl walked out of the bedroom in some sort of pajama outfit, looked at me then turned right around and headed back to the bedroom where she changed.

I'm not sure why she changed, because all I was in was some old t-shirt and a pair of comfy jeans. This was no time to try and impress someone, at least not for me! I never talked to her that night; I just kept my distance and had fun. I hung out with out of town friends, danced, acted silly and had a great time. However, toward the end of the night I started to feel sorry for her. She kept trying to get my Ex's, her boyfriends, attention but he was being his typical asshole self. He didn't want to have anything to do with her and he made it very clear. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for her (I mean she is "the other girl") but watching them interact made me realize that he used to do the exact same thing to me.

Toward the end of the night I thought it was a little ridiculous that the ex and I hadn't said anything to one another. I mean we dated for 7 years - we went through so many things together, we could at least talk. So I went up to him and asked "why are you ignoring me?" He goes "I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable." I looked him dead in the eye and stated "She knew what she was getting into when she decided to come. Plus I don't know what the big deal is. I mean you don't want to be with me and I defiantly don't want to be with you." I'll never forget the look on his face, he turned white, his eyes were about to pop out of his head and as he slammed his hand down on the counter he stated "that's the best f-ing news I've heard all night" then stormed off. All I could do was laugh. I was completely shocked, I thought he knew I didn't want to be with him - but I guess not. He obviously thought I was still in love with him.

The best part of the night was what I found out later. The morning after the wedding I was chatting with some of the Slassy Ladies. They go "we are so proud of you, but also a little disappointed." I was confused and asked "why disappointed?" They stated "We really wanted you to take her out, thrown down, and show her who she just messed with." (Just so you know there has been one or two bar fights in my life - now that was the old girl who is long gone - so it was something that could/might have happened in the past). Apparently the other girl had also been warned by some of my friends. They told her that it would be best if she didn't come near me, just in case. They let her know that if she said something to really piss me off or if he did something I may turn around and just smack the shit out of her. But I didn't and I didn't want to. I wasn't angry, jealous, mad or any of those things. I really felt sorry for her and I was mad that I was once her.

I kept it Classy and I'm so proud of myself. Not only did I show my friends that I was over him, but I proved to myself that I'm better than that. I don't need a man who isn't going to love and adore me. I had rather be alone, having fun, being free and acting like the true girl that I am than be with someone who is always trying to put me in a corner. So the next time you find yourself in a situation where you may do something you will regret or that tarnish view others have of you, just remember to keep it CLASSY. You'll thank yourself in the morning - and so will your friends!!!!