Best Birthday Present Ever!!!!

In an earlier post I mentioned that the Slassy Ladies LOVE birthdays!!!! In a week, one of the ladies will celebrate her birthday and we have been heavy in preparation. As we were reminiscing about some of our past parties, we remembered a very unique story/birthday gift:

The Slassy Ladies moved into house earlier this year, so we had to set up all the necessary utilities - one of those being Security. So it was a mid Saturday morning, early in the spring (just when it starts to get warm) and I was in a cleaning mood! Now when I clean I like to dress in my little shorts and sports bra - with my hair up on my head. Now if I know/remember someone is coming I will put a little more on, but on this day I forgot the CPI guy was coming. So here I am jamming out to my Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood elbows deep in cleaning supplies when the doorbell rings. At first I thought it was one of the girls who had forgotten their key, so I just ran over to the door and pulled it wide open. There standing before me was this very cute young man who looked shell shocked (I don't think he was expecting such a "cheerleader"). He just stood there and I just stood there shocked for a good minute and then finally I said "How can I help you?" He pulled it together to tell me that he was with CPI and there to connect our security.

Well 45 minutes later one of the girls shows up and sees that the CPI guy is here and looks at me and just laughs. He proceeds to ask for my number, just in case he forgot to tell us anything - gullible me believes him. But before he leaves he notices that we have a deer head hanging in our living room wall. Curious, he asks why 4 girls have a deer head mounted on their wall. "Because we have a Mallard Ball (which is a cameo party) for my birthday this weekend - you should come." He said he would think about it and heads out the door.

2 days later one of the Slassy Ladies pulls into the drive way and sees something on our porch, but she can't make out what it is. As she walks up to the door she is startled because she is staring at a mounted deer head with a big ol' birthday bow and a card that says "Happy Birthday Leah Beth."

About an hour later I show up at home and when I walk in the door, my roommate who found the deer head just looks at me and shakes her head. I'm a little confused but walk into my room to see a deer head laying my bed. I have no idea where this came from or who would give it to me until I open and card see that it is from CPI guy!

Now I know you are thinking - REALLY. But I have to be honest and tell you this is probably the best birthday gift I have ever received. It was funny, creative, and it showed he was paying attention. CPI guy knew we were having a CAMEO themed party and so he wanted to add to the decorations. To this day the deer head is still in our house - not the living room - the attic!

So be careful ladies - you know never know what you may get from a guy who wants to take you on a date - if your cards right, you may end up with a deer head as well!!!!!!

Middle School Never Ends

So just this past weekend the Slassy girls and I decided to take off to the beach!!! Even though we have been out of middle school for a very long time, we realized that no matter how old you get, some things never change - and maybe that's not a bad thing.

So Taken Slassy has a wonderful man who invited us to join him and his friends at the beach. Of course there were 3 girls and 3 boys in one house and taken Slassy in her normal manner, decided to play matchmaker. Throughout the weekend Taken Slassy would tell us girl’s one thing while her man would tell the boys different things.

At dinner on Saturday night the girls went to the bathroom (and of course we had to go together). While we were in the bathroom, Taken Slassy started telling us who likes who and "the scoop" while her man was telling the boys the exact same thing but in man terms - "you’re in, now just don't screw it up." When the Slassy's returned to the table you could tell that something had changed; there was a since of confidence in the air. However that silly nervous feeling combined with girly giggling was also there.

On our way home from the restaurant the boys’ rode in one car while the girls went in the other (why do we always have to spilt up - boys on one side, girls on the other). This type of behavior continued on into the night. The girls all grouped into one corner to talk, dance and just be silly while the guys stayed in the other playing games, shooting the shit and doing whatever it is that guys do. Luckily there is always that one friend who realizes how awkward and weird this situation has become. Taken Slassy and her man decided to put a stop to this and make sure that each person in the house found a "date."

Eventually their evil plan worked, one slassy found herself on the beach while the other hid away in the room -"7 minutes in heaven" can happen anywhere - who needs a closet! Of course we couldn't just leave it be, the girls have to find each other and discuss every detail of the night and what we thought about the guys, what the future might hold, and just giggle.

It wasn't until the next day, when the Slassy ladies were walking down the beach that this realization hit us. Will middle school ever end and should it? Everything that happened that weekend was silly, fun and adventurous. We let ourselves act like kids and just live. Taken Slassy found herself playing matchmaker, her favorite role, while the rest of us let her do it, without questioning her methods. But is this not what really happens every day?  How many times have you tried to set your friends up, you will tell them almost anything just to get them to at least spend a little time together? So why not just accept the fact that we are all kids at heart and if we just let it be and stop worrying about everything else we can have a great weekend!

Can you Love Again

How do you open your heart to someone once you've been hurt?

This is the question I'm currently asking myself. I don't have answers in this post. I have a story - but there is no conclusion.

Next week marks the year anniversary of my single life and in this past year I have learned more about myself, met some amazing people and have had a blast. The only thing that is missing is that I'm afraid to love, because I'm afraid of being hurt. I've become my own worse enemy.

Just the other day I had a very close friend tell me that I don't trust people. If you know me then you must realize how much this hurt, but it's the truth. I love people and I give people the benefit of a doubt - well everyone except those that I would want to date. If you are someone I might date and if there is any chemistry between us then I'm going to push you away. We can be friends and talk about your life all you want, but if you try to get close to me then I'm going to run as fast as I can. I'm not proud of this, and I really didn't even realize I was doing this until a little less than a month ago.

I was hanging out with a guy that I adore - he is handsome, kind, caring, dependable, fun, silly (you get the point) - we had been hanging out for a while and every time he tried to get close I did something to put up a boundary. One day he made a joke about being a "bad boyfriend" and before he could even finish the sentence I shot back "you are not my boyfriend so don't even worry." Why did I have to say anything? The look on his face was heartbreaking - he looked confused, nervous, and shocked all at the same time. Once again I dug a grave. I shot down a great guy for no reason expect my fear of being hurt. 

I don't want to be that girl. I'm not bitter and I'm not mad at my ex. I'm just scared. Some people say that I haven't met the right guy, because if I had he wouldn't let me go. But to be honest, I think they are just trying to make me feel better. I've met some wonderful men over the past year, but I've never really given them a chance to love me because I refuse to let down my guard. You can only push someone away for so long before he leaves for good.

So now I have a question for you all - How do I learn to open my heart and trust?

Live for the Moment!

One of my favorite things about being single is all the silly random adventures I've been able to partake in!!! Yes, you can still do these things when you are in a relationship - but let's be honest - have you ever turned down something that sounded like a lot of fun because you didn't want to leave your boy or you didn't think he would want you to do it - especially if you are in a not so healthy relationship? Well, now that you are single you don't have to worry about anyone expect yourself - so it's time to get SILLY and live for the moment!!!!!

This past January "Cruisin Slassy" and I took a trip around the Caribbean!!! The only I reason I was able to go on this trip is because "Cruising Slassy" and her ex ended things 2 months before they were supposed to start their travel. She needed someone to fill the spot and I was the single friend who said pick me!!!!
I have to tell you, this was the trip of the year. There was nothing holding us back, no one to check in with, we both could be free and do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and talk to whoever we wanted (yes, I'm aware of the run-on sentence but I wanted you to understand how free and excited we were). Everything about this trip was amazing; the food, the people the adventures, the sites, everything.

The highlight of the trip happened the next to the last night on the boat. We had just left Jamaica and were headin home. "Cruisin Slassy" and I weren't ready for the fun to be over so we started talking and decided what better way to end a great vacation that to throw a bar crawl on a cruise ship!!!!. So we did - We began our adventure at our favorite place with our favorite bar tender. In the beginning it was just 4 of us, but 8 bars later our little plan had turned into a 40 person deep bar crawl. All we did was have a little fun, make a plan and invite anyone to join. We even asked an 80 year old rancher, who joined us for one drink (I think his wife had more fun than him). Everyone was and everyone seemed to have a blast. It was a great time and success that people old and young were telling us that this event was the highlight of the cruise ship activities. Even the Cruise Director asked us how we pulled this off. Needless to say it was one silly adventure that I will never forget!

I wanted to share this story with you because you can have fun and be silly and crazy at any point with any person. Just grab a girlfriend or 5 and live. You don't need to sit at home and wait around for someone. You will have a blast if you just go out there and live your life with no inhibitions. Take advantage of every situation. If you put yourself out there you may find a little luck and a new adventure. So the next time one of your girlfriends or you has the desire to do something crazy - like throw a bar crawl on cruise ship - go for it. You may just end up having one of the best nights of your life!

Go be a Rockstar and act SILLY - the only person stopping you is YOU!

Don't be a VICTIM

VICTIM: a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, or by the dishonesty of others

When you start your SINGLE adventure is easy to play the role of the victim (shoot many people do this while they are in a relationship); "my ex was so awful - look at all the mean things he did to me, I'll never be the same because of him, He ruined my life" and so forth. We've all thought these things and said them to someone at some point, but eventually it has to stop. You’re SINGLE not dead. Your life is not over - heck in my opinion this is just the beginning!!! Maybe he was an asshole, but guess what - you don't have to deal with him ever again, so stop talking about him.

Now that you've moved, on its time to figure out how you never get in yourself in that situation again; the unhappy relationship where you feel victimized. So let's break down victim:

1) A person who is deceived or cheated: If someone cheats on you leave his ass as fast as possible. If you ignore it or take him back, you are allowing this action to continue. Don't give me lip or excuses on how he's changed. 1 out of ever 100 may change, and your boyfriend is probably not that one. YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON, only that person can change and they have to want to do it, not for you but for them. If you take that cheater back and he cheats on you again - you are not a victim you are just crazy (I was that crazy girl - so I'm speaking from experience)

2) As by his or her own emotions or ignorance: Girls, we tend to do this often. I know we all want to have the love story that you see in the movies - shoot give me Channing Tatum in Dear John any day. If we catch even the smallest glimpse of that dream we take ever other action, word, and look that poor boy does to mean more than it is. We make ourselves believe that our love story is coming true and then we fall head over heels for that guy, when he really wasn't thinking or trying to give off that vibe. He was just getting to know you, and did you really let him see the true you in 3 dates (I don't think so). Don't drop everything right away, make him work for it just a little. Sleeping with him on the first date is not going to make him stay with you - ask most guys. Don't let your emotions screw it up. Be the strong, fun, independent woman you were meant to be!

3) By the dishonesty of others: If someone tells you they are going to do something and they don't, you can get upset and be mad. I know we like to make excuses for the guys, but they don't need excuses. If a guy really likes you and tells you he is going to do something or be somewhere - he will be there!! Don't let him off the hook - its one thing if he lets you know that something came up, but if this starts to be the norm, stop wasting your time and move on. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering if your boyfriend or husband is going to make it to your dinner reservations?

Here's the thing

DON'T MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEM!!!!

You don't have to be the victim. It takes two people to make the relationship work and if you aren't happy then get out. Don't stay with someone who doesn't keep his word, or who makes you wonder if they really like you. You should never question your self-worth with the man you love. He will tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are if you allow yourself to find the right guy. I want to encourage you to stop dating the guy you normally date - try someone completely different and see what happens. Sometimes we get in the way of love. We are so busy trying to find it that we really don't know what it is. STOP and just live. If something bad happens during a date get over it and move on

DON'T BE THE VITCIM!

Just when you think its over - HE RETURNS

We've all heard the song - "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor

But how many of you have actually experienced the true drama in this song - probably all of us!

WHY?

Why is it that the men we love decide to leave and then return? We talked about why they leave in the last post, but why do they come back. I’m not talking about a fling; I’m talking about an actual boyfriend. Now this is not the case for all men, sometimes they are gone for good, but what about those that seem to never leave you alone. Just when you've picked up the pieces of your life and are ready to love again - they show up. This guy will say all the right things, be extremely romantic and often give you everything you ever thought you wanted. But will it last or will he just disappear in a couple months?

Remember ladies, I was in a 7 year relationship, however those 7 years were on again and then off. One moment he loved me and wanted to marry me, the next he was ready to move on. This is not a place you want to be, first you start losing confidence in yourself (why does he keep leaving, what did I do wrong, how can I change) and if and when he does return, you may try to change and become what you THINK he wants. Now we've got big trouble (you are no longer your true self, the person he fell in love with, the person you are best at being). If you can't love who you are and be proud of your identity and characteristics - why should he? 

I completely forgot who I was; my mother looked at me one day and said "can I please have my daughter back." I just wanted to be with my Ex - at all cost. I will never forget the summer we graduated from college. I finally ended it with him (or so I thought), we did not communicate for a good 2 months. Now this is the longest we had ever been on a break so I started to think he was gone, but I don't know if I was ready for him to be gone for good. Randomly I would see a text message from him and I would send a message back. Or if I was sad/drunk/whatever I would send something to him. He was my comfort and I was his - it was easy (yea right).

So needless to say we ended up getting back together. He took to me wonderful restaurants, sent me flowers, said the most wonderful things and even brought me jewelry. Yes, I was a sucker and said oh he has changed and now we can finally be together. Let’s just say that didn't work - In the end he never changed. At first he did, that is until he realized he had me. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t easy for him. I didn't trust him and anything he did I questioned – I didn’t trust him. We could never find that solid foundation that is so important in relationships. He knew he was always going to screw up and I was waiting for the bottom to drop out like always. So after two years of a decent try it ended for good - and I have to be honest I am very happy it did. I now love who I am and everything about me!

So why did this keep happening - why did he keep coming back?

 I didn't want to speculate, I really wanted to know why guys do this so I asked around. (I did not ask my ex - we aren't on those kinds of speaking terms - remember the wedding story). Well here is what the guys say:

"I left because I wanted to get some from somewhere else and then realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I knew she still had feelings and I wouldn't have to work as hard to get back with her. If she takes me back, now I know I have the upper hand and my confidence is pretty strong"

"I'm going back to what was good, I realized I messed up and needed to fix my mess"

"I may want her again, but I really just need to say I'm sorry"

"I left because I knew there were things about me I needed to fix t, now that those things are good I'm ready to take that next step with her"

"It was easy, she's comfortable, and it’s a great way to stay occupied until something else turns up - hey I may even realize she's the one"

And last but not least a wise man said:

 "Guys don't always change, the relationship is going to go back to the way it was before. The same things that drove him away the first time will probably happen again. The girl shouldn't take him back - if she does she's just allowing him to do as he pleases without thinking of her. If he really wanted her, he wouldn't have left"

So there you have it ladies - You don't have to take him back, even if your heart is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it may not be. Or, he may be one of the good ones who just needed to fix his own life before bringing someone else into it. No matter what, I think you need to have a true "come to Jesus meeting" and ask those hard questions: Did he make me a better person? Do I really love him or do I just love being in a relationship? Are we better friends than a couple? And so forth - you know what you need to ask.

Please remember - don't get mad at men, there are women who act this exact same way. I wanted to be with my EX because he was comfortable, I didn't have to try and figure him out, but I wasn't a better person and I wasn't happy. It takes two to make a relationship work.

So go out there and know that if HE does come back - you will survive if you say NO!!!!