Have you ever met someone who one moment was all about you and the next gone?
Well you are not alone, it seems as though this happens quite often to all types of women. The question is WHY? Why is it that guys will leave without any warning or excuse - they are just gone?
This has happened to me many times throughout this past year. I'll go on a few dates with a guy, think things are great and moving forward, then all of sudden he will stop calling or contacting me. He is GONE. Just the other day I was talking to a girl friend of mine who was and confused and upset. She had met this wonderful guy who really seemed to be interested in her. They talked on the phone almost every day and spent 2 to 3 days a week together, just having fun and getting to know one another. This was going on for a good 3 to 4 weeks when all of sudden the phone calls stopped. Text message responses became very short and concise. He would sometimes return calls or sometimes he would "forget" or "be tied up." Eventually she stopped trying and just let him go. Nothing changed between them, there were no signs that he wasn't happy, he was just gone.
This puzzled me because it happens so often to all types of girls. I decided to would ask the source (MEN), why do you just disappear with no warning? After polling all sorts of guys I have a found a common theme and ladies you aren't going to like it, but it's what they say. Are you ready?
HE JUST WASN’T THAT INTO YOU
(Hey, isn't there a book/movie with this title)
According to one source "someone else came along who caught my eye and she seemed a little more fun and challenging." Now don't start hating men, because let's be honest - we ladies do the exact same thing. We may not do it as often, or we may not be as short with our answers as the men folk, but you can't tell me you have never talked to two guys at once and eventually cut ties with one of them, if not both for no apparent reason.
Here's the thing. If you are talking to a guy and he stops putting in the effort, then you should know he may not be that into you. If a man wants to be with you he will make the effort to talk to you and be with you. I know it's hard to let go of someone, especially if you really thought there was something special. But just remember, you deserve the world and there is a wonderful man out there who will give you exactly what you need. Don't settle for someone who is only sometimes there; find someone who is ALWAYS there!!!
There is an age old question that has been debated for years: Can a girl and a boy be friends?
The other day I was having a conversation with "Mr. Trouble" pertaining to this exact topic. "Trouble" is a ladies’ man - he has many women that would like to date him, but he is living the dream. To quote him "why buy a cow when you can have the milk for free" in other words why settle for one girl when you can have them all!! But can this way of life last?
How many of you girls have been around a guy that you like, knowing that he does not want to be in a relationship, but you still hang around. You tell yourself that if you are his friend and he sees how wonderful you are then of course he will fall in love with you. Does this work - sometimes but it comes at a very high risk. This can backfire and fast.
So "Mr. Trouble" made it clear to "Miss Hopeful" that all he wanted was friendship; maybe a little cuddling here and there but nothing serious. Of course, "Miss Hopeful" says that this is all she wants as well, and maybe that was the case at first, but "Mr. Trouble" is a charmer, and "Miss Hopeful" didn't have a chance. The more they hung out the more she began to like him and the harder she falls. I'm sure she kept telling herself to stay strong and he would turn around, but like most men "Mr. Trouble" doesn't see the signs. He thinks everything is normal and she is just being a cool fun girl. Well as with most drunk nights, things that you don't plan on happening HAPPEN. Two friends of the opposite sex find themselves alone and in a place where it can go to the next level or not. Nine times out of ten it’s going to that level. The level where most girls become attached (remember there is an exception to every rule).
This night happens and now "Miss Hopeful" wants a relationship and "Mr. Trouble" isn't ready. In his mind it’s not his fault that she is now attached. He made it clear from the beginning that all he wanted was friendship. "Miss Hopeful" was the one to break the rules, she fell for him, and now she is hurt. So once again I ask, can a girl and a boy just be friends?
I say no if there is any type of an attraction. Guys don't understand boundaries and girls think with their emotions. Something that is casual and fun can quickly turn serious for one party and not the other. When this happens someone gets hurt. Now, as I said before there is an exception to ever rule. If that girl is adamant about not wanting to be in a relationship - this can be for various reasons: she is healing from a past relationship, focused on her career and only her career, or knows she is leaving the area soon - then this friendship may work. But for the most part this relationship is dangerous.
If that girl and that guy have no attraction to one another then I think the friendship can work; or if there is a 3rd party, like your best friends boyfriend/husband. Now, you may be arguing with me right now or you are trying to think of all your guy friends, but come on ladies, be honest with yourself. We've all seen "When Harry met Sally" or Ross and Rachel from "Friends." If you are hanging out with a guy and sharing intimate details of your life with him and there is any sort of attraction, you will find yourself falling in love with him.
For all you guys reading this blog keep this fact in mind. If you know she likes you and you take it to that level without wanting anything in return, then you share some of the blame!!!!!
No matter the situation you may find yourself in a true Slassy Lady always keeps in CLASSY!!!!
Earlier this week I shared with you the time I had to face my Ex, but I didn't finish the story.....
So the wedding was a success and I faced my demon (the EX) but that wasn't the end of the night. As with any great event there is always an after party. The after party was held at the same house the ex and his new girl were staying. The tricky part is that this house happens to be the boyfriend of one of my very best friends. This boyfriend is almost like a brother to me and there was no way I was going to miss this party. So I jumped in the car with the best friend and her boyfriend and headed to the party (his house). I'll never forget the moment I walked into the house. The new girl walked out of the bedroom in some sort of pajama outfit, looked at me then turned right around and headed back to the bedroom where she changed.
I'm not sure why she changed, because all I was in was some old t-shirt and a pair of comfy jeans. This was no time to try and impress someone, at least not for me! I never talked to her that night; I just kept my distance and had fun. I hung out with out of town friends, danced, acted silly and had a great time. However, toward the end of the night I started to feel sorry for her. She kept trying to get my Ex's, her boyfriends, attention but he was being his typical asshole self. He didn't want to have anything to do with her and he made it very clear. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for her (I mean she is "the other girl") but watching them interact made me realize that he used to do the exact same thing to me.
Toward the end of the night I thought it was a little ridiculous that the ex and I hadn't said anything to one another. I mean we dated for 7 years - we went through so many things together, we could at least talk. So I went up to him and asked "why are you ignoring me?" He goes "I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable." I looked him dead in the eye and stated "She knew what she was getting into when she decided to come. Plus I don't know what the big deal is. I mean you don't want to be with me and I defiantly don't want to be with you." I'll never forget the look on his face, he turned white, his eyes were about to pop out of his head and as he slammed his hand down on the counter he stated "that's the best f-ing news I've heard all night" then stormed off. All I could do was laugh. I was completely shocked, I thought he knew I didn't want to be with him - but I guess not. He obviously thought I was still in love with him.
The best part of the night was what I found out later. The morning after the wedding I was chatting with some of the Slassy Ladies. They go "we are so proud of you, but also a little disappointed." I was confused and asked "why disappointed?" They stated "We really wanted you to take her out, thrown down, and show her who she just messed with." (Just so you know there has been one or two bar fights in my life - now that was the old girl who is long gone - so it was something that could/might have happened in the past). Apparently the other girl had also been warned by some of my friends. They told her that it would be best if she didn't come near me, just in case. They let her know that if she said something to really piss me off or if he did something I may turn around and just smack the shit out of her. But I didn't and I didn't want to. I wasn't angry, jealous, mad or any of those things. I really felt sorry for her and I was mad that I was once her.
I kept it Classy and I'm so proud of myself. Not only did I show my friends that I was over him, but I proved to myself that I'm better than that. I don't need a man who isn't going to love and adore me. I had rather be alone, having fun, being free and acting like the true girl that I am than be with someone who is always trying to put me in a corner. So the next time you find yourself in a situation where you may do something you will regret or that tarnish view others have of you, just remember to keep it CLASSY. You'll thank yourself in the morning - and so will your friends!!!!
Now that you are finally comfortable being single and living without that guy, it’s time to face him! I know it's not going to be fun and you are probably going to have a ton of anxiety before the day, but you can do it - I did and so can you!!
PS: This is a long one!!!
Just this past spring I had to face not just my ex, but his new girlfriend (the one he was cheating on me with). I have to consider myself lucky because of the situation I found myself in. A lot of times when you end a relationship it is likely that you will see him out at the bars, at mutual friends homes, or somewhere. Well I was in a long distance relationship so the likelihood of me seeing him was slim to none. So this encounter was a big deal - I had not seen or talked to him in 5 months (this was the first real interaction we had since the breakup - and that happened over the phone).
In April two of our (mine and the ex's) best friends were getting married. I knew he was going to be there, he was in the wedding, so I was able to deal and process this news. I didn't start to panic until I found out that she (the new girl) was coming. It's not that I wanted to be with him, but I wasn't sure how I would react with just having him - now I have to look at her - GREATTTTT. Let's just say there was a lot of girl power music, drinking, and running the weeks leading up to the wedding (Miranda Lambert's "Only Prettier" is clutch!)
So it's time for the big day!!! Now I'm the type of girl who needs to stay busy, otherwise I start thinking about everything, analyzing every detail, and driving myself mad. So I scheduled a work event that morning/early afternoon. By the time I got home, it was time to get ready to head to the wedding!!!!
As soon as I walk in, I see him - now this is the moment I have been dreading - but once I see him I laugh. There is absolutely no attraction and I can't believe I ever dated him (hahahaha). Of course all my boys are there with him, so they run up and give me big hugs (especially the ones I haven't seen in while). Now it's his turn to say hello and it was fine (at least for me). We went through the usual small talk about our families and what we had been up to - all the fake stuff we put ourselves through just to act pleasant. Well not even 5 minutes later does the other girl walk in - and of course she is with some of my girl friends (I mean he and I have the same mutual friends and the girls can't just ignore her – plus I would never ask them too). The best part is that she ends up sitting on my exact same row – typical!
Well the wedding was amazing and the bride was gorgeous - she couldn't have asked for a better day! As the cocktail hour and reception start I get a little nervous. Sitting through a ceremony is one thing, but a reception is another. Well nothing was going to stop me from having a good time, so I was a dancing fool - as usual. Strangely enough he wasn't - this was odd. Normally my ex would have been in the middle of the floor trying to steal the show. Instead he kind of stayed in the background, hanging out with her. There was only one awkward moment during the reception. They had all the girls line up on one side and the boys on the other. If you have ever seen the movie "Hitch" then you know what I'm talking about. It was time to have a dance line! So I find myself in the front of the line and when I look across to see who I was partnered with I realize it's the ex. Right at the exact same moment, he realizes the same thing. Well instead of being an adult and going with the flow - he scurries out of the way and runs to the middle of the guys. Of course I'm looking at everyone shocked and not sure how I should respond. But needless to say my friends were there. One his very best friends, who just happens to be a dear friend of mine jumped in a grabbed me!!! It was the ex who looked silly - not me!
So as the wedding came to end and we wished the bride and groom off I knew things were great! I had faced my demon and I could have the closure I needed to really move on. I didn't love him anymore and I defiantly did not want to be with him.
So I know it's going to be hard for you to face your ex, and even more difficult if you have to see him with a new girl. But if you need a little help just listen to Miranda Lambert's "Only Prettier" and you'll feel a lot better!!!
Everyone needs a little lovin every now and then right?
So what should a single girl who doesn't want to be considered "wild, whorish, or promiscuous" do?
Well, that's where the recycle theory comes in!!
The recycle theory is the idea that instead of increasing your "number" you just have fun with someone from the past:
"Recycle Slassy" had been broken up with "long time boyfriend" for a little while and it was her first night in the new house with new roomies. Off course a girl’s night is in order, so they head uptown. They were at Dixie’s and "Recycle Slassy" spotted a guy she briefly dated in high school. Needless to say he was super hot and "Recycle Slassy" was super drunk with one thing on her mind, RECYCLE. Well, "Recycle Slassy" convinces "Recycle man" to come home with her, but when they get home they realize he doesn't have a condom. "Recycle Slassy" is determined to make this night happen and begs one of the roommates to drive them to the gas station to buy condoms. Just like any good roommate, she agrees to drive "recycle couple" to the store while laughing the whole way. Once "recycle couple" get back home they head upstairs and....he can't keep it up!!!!! At this point "Recycle Slassy" is drunk, disappointed and exhausted, so she decides to pass out. The next morning, typical hung-over "Recycle Slassy," needs to throw up. So she sneaks off to the bathroom to puke but when she gets back to the room "homeboy" aka "recycle man" wants to prove he can keep it up. Of course "Recycle Slassy has to give him one last chance, but remembers "don't let him kiss me!!!!!!"
Now sometimes you can plan a "recycle" but be very cautious that you don’t stir up trouble. But the best way to use the recycle theory is to have an "unexpected recycle" because it's not planned, but when you see the guy, you automatically know your number isn't going to increase if you take him home - this is the best way to use the theory. The recycle is just about one thing and one thing only:
