Have you ever created a checklist for the opposite sex? A list of the qualities you want out of your significant other. I have one in my head, but I've never physically written it out.
To be honest I'm afraid to write it down, because it changes as I change. Don't get me wrong, when I was a little girl I created one with my girl friends - wasn't that the concept of the game "MASH." (for those of you who don't know this game you would take a piece of paper and write out 3 guys names, 3 types of cars you wanted to drive, 3 colleges you wanted to attend, 3 occupations, and so forth. Then you or a friend would somehow determine a number and start crossing things off the list wherever the number fell until there was only one thing left in each column. MASH stood for the type of house you would own - Masion, Apartment, Shack, or House.) Now I know this sounds silly, but isn't this kind of what we do with a checklist. We have all these idea of what we want and then we look for someone who will fit?
I've never really been opposed to the idea of a checklist until a few months ago. I was out with some of the girls, having a drink and minding my own business when I spotted a colleague of mine (she is actually one of the VP's at my organization). She was there with some friends and introduced me to a guy she knew that had just moved to the city. We chatted for a little while and then I went back to the girls. Later that week, my colleague asked if she could give my number to the guy so he could get to know some people in the area. I said sure and of course he called. He didn't want me to just show him around instead he wanted to go on a date. I agreed (why not, what did I have to lose).
When he showed up at my door I realized this was never going to happen, he was shorter than me (something I just can't handle – my checklist) but I tried to look past it and thought just maybe. He took me to a very nice restaurant and the conversation was great - at first. He started asking about my beliefs, relationship with my family, where I wanted to be a few years down the road - all the typical questions people ask on a date. The weird thing was that after each comment he agreed with, he would state "CHECK." He was literally taking me through his checklist making sure I matched up. After the third "check" I couldn't take him seriously. All that was going through my head is "are you serious."
Needless to say we did not go out on a second date. Looking back on this situation I have to wonder and ask myself do I have a checklist? Am I so dedicated to my checklist that I'm missing out on what's in front of me? I'm at a stage in my life where I know what I want personality wise, but I think I'm uncertain of looks. For years I have wanted a guy that looks and acts a certain way, but I'm not sure if I really care about that anymore. Is it not enough to find someone who loves me for me? Someone who just wants to make me happy and have fun together? Does he really have to be extremely fit and athletic?
I don't know. But what I do know is that if I stay dedicated to a checklist then how can I grow. Think of all the wonderful things you’ll miss out on. What if that perfect guy is standing in front of you but isn’t as muscular as your list requires? What if he isn’t driving the right car? A checklist gives you no room to explore and really see what’s in front of you.
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