Why can't I just have bigger boobs!!!!!!

Over the past holiday season I was able to spend 10 wonderful days with my crazy, but amazing family!!! With my family you never know who's going to say or do what - shoot you don't even know who's going to be staying in the house that night. There is an open door policy at my house - if you need a place to crash or a meal - well then come on in! So it makes for some very interesting evenings.

One of those evenings my mother and I were talking about past boyfriends and the crazy things that have happened over the years. I thought y’all may find comfort or just a laugh with one of the adventures so enjoy!

 Now I was a happy teenager and loved high school - Most School Spirited!!!! But there were some things, physical, that I wanted to change. What high school girl doesn't want to change something - what grown ass women doesn't want to change something. I mean we are women and its part of our DNA to want what we don't have. Anyway, I have little boobs and have prayed for larger breast my entire life. Even before I was born my mother prayed that I would be blessed with boobs, but apparently God had something else in mind. Now don't get me wrong, I'm now happy with my boobs, but when you are 14 - 16 year old teenage girl and you can't even wear an A cup you start to wonder what happened in the breast genes. Y'all I tried every trick under the sun to make those suckers grow, I even went so far as to order "Blusant" the bust enhancement pills - they don't work so don't try it. Needless to say I was destined to be president of the itty bitty titty committee.


Luckily Victoria Secret knew that we all couldn’t be a C cup so they created the padded bra. Now this thing is great for us ladies, but kind of a tease to the men out there. You think you’re getting one thing, but in the end realize you may just be getting a handful if that. So during my sophomore year in high school my mom and I ventured to the mall and walked in to VS. The water bra was the big sensation at the time so mom and I were off to find one. As we walked into the store we saw a display for a new kind of bra "The Air Bra." Instead of having to deal with the weight of water, you could just have a pocket full of air to help enhance your bust size! Score - I could now be a full A and not have to worry about the weight of the water bra or praying it didn’t spring a leak.

Little did I know that the air bra would turn into a nightmare. That same night I had a cute young man come and pick me up for a date. We went to dinner then back to his house to watch a movie. As we were cuddled up on the couch I start to wiggle and notice that ever time my boob touched something I would hear this rustling of paper sound. I couldn't figure it out so I just tried not to move. Once the movie was over he wanted out to lie under the stars - yes he was trying to be romantic. But before we could get out the door he leaned in to give me a kiss and as his body got closer to mine I heard the paper noise again. I mean it sounded like someone was balling up a sheet of paper. I knew it was coming from me but I couldn't figure out where. Before we went outside I went to the bathroom and tried to figure it out when suddenly it dawned on me - THE AIR BRA - this thing was going to be the death of me. I couldn't get close to the guy because he would hear the noise and think I had stuffed my bra, but I if I didn’t get close to him he would think I didn't like him. I didn't know what to do but I knew I had to get out of the bathroom.

 So I gathered my thoughts and left the bathroom, praying the bra would just stop making noises and ruining my life.  Like a gentleman he was waiting with a blanket and outside we went. It didn’t even take 10 minutes before he wanted to kiss me and without fail the bra started making noises, it was so loud that he stopped kissing me and asked what in the world. I didn't know what to say and just blurted out - "oh I have money in my bra so it must be that." I was mortified. Finally I went home, jerked off the 40 dollar bra as fast as possible and never put that sucker on again.

 Needless to say I learned a valuable lesson - be happy with what god gave you at least it doesn't make noises!!!!!!

Happy 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!