Just when you think its over - HE RETURNS

We've all heard the song - "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor

But how many of you have actually experienced the true drama in this song - probably all of us!

WHY?

Why is it that the men we love decide to leave and then return? We talked about why they leave in the last post, but why do they come back. I’m not talking about a fling; I’m talking about an actual boyfriend. Now this is not the case for all men, sometimes they are gone for good, but what about those that seem to never leave you alone. Just when you've picked up the pieces of your life and are ready to love again - they show up. This guy will say all the right things, be extremely romantic and often give you everything you ever thought you wanted. But will it last or will he just disappear in a couple months?

Remember ladies, I was in a 7 year relationship, however those 7 years were on again and then off. One moment he loved me and wanted to marry me, the next he was ready to move on. This is not a place you want to be, first you start losing confidence in yourself (why does he keep leaving, what did I do wrong, how can I change) and if and when he does return, you may try to change and become what you THINK he wants. Now we've got big trouble (you are no longer your true self, the person he fell in love with, the person you are best at being). If you can't love who you are and be proud of your identity and characteristics - why should he? 

I completely forgot who I was; my mother looked at me one day and said "can I please have my daughter back." I just wanted to be with my Ex - at all cost. I will never forget the summer we graduated from college. I finally ended it with him (or so I thought), we did not communicate for a good 2 months. Now this is the longest we had ever been on a break so I started to think he was gone, but I don't know if I was ready for him to be gone for good. Randomly I would see a text message from him and I would send a message back. Or if I was sad/drunk/whatever I would send something to him. He was my comfort and I was his - it was easy (yea right).

So needless to say we ended up getting back together. He took to me wonderful restaurants, sent me flowers, said the most wonderful things and even brought me jewelry. Yes, I was a sucker and said oh he has changed and now we can finally be together. Let’s just say that didn't work - In the end he never changed. At first he did, that is until he realized he had me. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t easy for him. I didn't trust him and anything he did I questioned – I didn’t trust him. We could never find that solid foundation that is so important in relationships. He knew he was always going to screw up and I was waiting for the bottom to drop out like always. So after two years of a decent try it ended for good - and I have to be honest I am very happy it did. I now love who I am and everything about me!

So why did this keep happening - why did he keep coming back?

 I didn't want to speculate, I really wanted to know why guys do this so I asked around. (I did not ask my ex - we aren't on those kinds of speaking terms - remember the wedding story). Well here is what the guys say:

"I left because I wanted to get some from somewhere else and then realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I knew she still had feelings and I wouldn't have to work as hard to get back with her. If she takes me back, now I know I have the upper hand and my confidence is pretty strong"

"I'm going back to what was good, I realized I messed up and needed to fix my mess"

"I may want her again, but I really just need to say I'm sorry"

"I left because I knew there were things about me I needed to fix t, now that those things are good I'm ready to take that next step with her"

"It was easy, she's comfortable, and it’s a great way to stay occupied until something else turns up - hey I may even realize she's the one"

And last but not least a wise man said:

 "Guys don't always change, the relationship is going to go back to the way it was before. The same things that drove him away the first time will probably happen again. The girl shouldn't take him back - if she does she's just allowing him to do as he pleases without thinking of her. If he really wanted her, he wouldn't have left"

So there you have it ladies - You don't have to take him back, even if your heart is telling you it’s the right thing to do, it may not be. Or, he may be one of the good ones who just needed to fix his own life before bringing someone else into it. No matter what, I think you need to have a true "come to Jesus meeting" and ask those hard questions: Did he make me a better person? Do I really love him or do I just love being in a relationship? Are we better friends than a couple? And so forth - you know what you need to ask.

Please remember - don't get mad at men, there are women who act this exact same way. I wanted to be with my EX because he was comfortable, I didn't have to try and figure him out, but I wasn't a better person and I wasn't happy. It takes two to make a relationship work.

So go out there and know that if HE does come back - you will survive if you say NO!!!!