We all know what a "rebound" is and I'm sure most of us have had them. They are a great way to move on, to realize you still got it and guys want you. But what if you fall for your rebound?
When I ended my relationship with my ex I swore to myself that I wouldn't seriously date anyone for at least one year. I said I needed time to heal, to figure out who I was and to just live. I still went on dates and met boys and thought about the future, but I put up a big wall that stopped my heart from talking to anyone. Well it wasn't even a few weeks after my relationship ended that I ran into a guy I had always had a crush on (yes I had a crush on a guy while I was dating another. I didn't want the crush to go anywhere I just always thought he was handsome, sweet and just one of the good ol' boys). Come to find out this crush was now single, freshly single just like me. Nothing had happened between us at that time, but in the back of mine I was happy, I thought "hmmmmm, just maybe." But quickly I put that thought away and just kept on with my life.
Come January I found myself out with a dear girl friend, a few of our mutual friends and my crush; according to those around us, as soon as my crush and I started talking the world ceased to exist. No one could get our attention and no one could stop our conversation. We closed the bar down and it was a week night. These types of nights started happening more and more often. I'll never forget the steps me and my girlfriend would go through to act like we didn't care if we saw him or not - we wanted to play it tough, like it was just a random meeting or that we hadn’t been waiting forever. Shoot some nights when we knew the group guys were going to be an hour later than us, we would drive around and just act silly, when we really should have gone home and said forget it (looking back, I'm so grateful to have had a friend that would do anything to see me happy and I had some of the most fun nights doing those things).
It all started out as a cute little fling. We wouldn't allow ourselves to be alone - that quickly changed. Then we wouldn't allow ourselves to see each other alone at night – again that quickly changed. He was so easy to talk to, and understood why I was so hurt. He was the first person that allowed me to be me. So many times I've been with guys who tried to stifle my personality, put me in a corner, and make me sit still - that I can’t tell you one thing – that aint happening. But this crush was different. He seemed to like the fact that I'm loud and state what's on my mind. He understood that sometimes I just needed to cry and not be strong. He got me - which most people don't (they think they do, but they don't). I kept telling myself that this was just fun, don't get attached - but I was attached. I remember sitting out in the lawn talking to my mother and I could tell she was worried. She knew I wasn't ready and he wasn't ready, but I had fallen and there was nothing she could do but watch me get hurt.
Our little encounters went on for a good two months, when one day I woke up and said I can't do this. This is no longer a rebound, this is a guy I truly like and want to be with, but I can't. His situation didn't allow it and I wasn't ready. Like a baby I sent him a text that said "I can't do this anymore." He immediately called, confused and hurt. We talked and decided that we would figure it out; I shouldn't run just because I was scared we were both scared and on uncomfortable ground – looking back I should have run. From that point on, there was doubt in a relationship with two people who were extremely fragile. Three wonderful weeks went by he was great. He even made it to my birthday when he really didn't have the time to do so. We had fun and it was a great time in my life. But that doubt was always there and eventually he couldn't handle it and now it was his turn to run. I've had my heart broken a few times. And while this didn't hurt nearly as bad as it did when I found out I had been cheated on, it still hurt - a lot. My crush wasn't the type to not respond or just not show up and that's how he ended things. He didn't respond to a message and when he was supposed to be somewhere, he wasn't.
I was lying on the couch after being out of town and he called - 2 hours past the time we were supposed to meet. When he walked in the house I knew something was up. We sat there talking like we normally did and then of course I asked the question - "what's wrong with you?" And it all came out. Things were moving to fast, this wasn't the right time, we just can't do this. I had been waiting for this conversation, because I knew we couldn't be together, but it still hurt. I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. Not only had he become someone I cared for, but he had become a close friend.
Luckily we were able to maintain our friendship. He talks to me about the girls he wants to date and I talk to him about guys. Yea, it’s weird, very weird - but it works. To be honest sometimes it gets to me and it hurts. There is a place in my heart for this crush because he was there during a very difficult time. He was the first guy that made me realize that it's ok to be me and that this crazy, bubbly, loud, over-the-top girl is person that someone will love. I don't need to change in anyway shape or form. I just need to be proud and secure with who I am.
There's a song out there that sums up everything I felt for my crush and still do:
So the next time you have a rebound be careful. He may sneak up on you and be something more than you expected.
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