Just be her friend!

Do you remember when you were a little girl and all you wanted to do was be with girlfriends because boys had coodies - Well when did we change our mind? When did we start letting our boyfriends drive our relationships apart?



Now that you are single you may have found a new group of girl friends, rekindled old relationships, or just strengthed those that were already there. Many of these friends could be in the same place you are - SINGLE!  No matter what, you've found a group to comfort you when you are sad, go out with you when you want to play, or just hang when all else fails. Now what happens when you meet that next guy, or when they meet that next guy?

I've asked you to start playing the game, find your friends, be silly and learn to love yourself. We've talked about how your girls can help you through all this, but we haven't about how to keep yourself from falling back into your old ways and forgetting about your friends. So today you are going to learn how I went from being very depressed to a happy girl!

I dated a guy who did everything possible to pull me away from my friends - he didn't want them to tell me certain things so he lied, embelished the truth and did everything possible to make me question my girlfriends' loyalty. He then took it a step further and tried to turn them on me. He would tell them things I said when I was hurt and just needing to vent, or would even tell them lies. He wanted me to only be around him and the people he picked for me (controlling). Now I was crazy in love (or whatever you want to call it) and started to believe everything he said. Because of that, I lost a lot of great friends. I pushed them away, and then they grew tired of trying to help me. Once I lost them I was alone and thought this boyfriend was the only one I could turn to. I was lost and sad and alone. Without my friends to keep my in check and do the things I love to do I started to lose my identity. Not only did this make me sad in general but it kept me in the relationship longer than I should have been. I was so afraid that I would have noone if I left him that I stuck it out even when I knew I shouldn't have.

Luckily for me I had a few wonderful people who never really left. When they saw me hit rock bottom they were there. I will never forget driving through the mountains of NC - on my home from a weekend at the lake with him and a few friends he approved of. My girl friend looked at me on that car ride home and said "you deserve better." She didn't say anything else for a very long time (4 hour car ride) until I finally broke down. That was the turning point in my mind - not in my actions. It wasn't until I saw that other friends were starting to call more often and I was making more of an effort that I realized I didn't need him and I couldn't be without a boyfriend (I wasn't alone).

Now I have a ton of girlfriends who I love and adore. Some are friends from the past, some are new, and then there are those that never left. I learned an extremely important lesson from all this. A friendship is a relationship and it is up to you to make it last. Don't stop calling just because they said no to your invitation 30 times. And if you realize that you are saying no that many times, say yes at least once. She probably needs you and that boy will wait. Make a pact with your girl friends to never let a guy drive you apart and respect her choices. It's not your life and you may not always know what is best for her - even if you don't like the guy let her love him. We are stubborn creatures who have to learn from our mistakes so let her make those mistakes. My friends had to let me, they warned and pleaded but I had to figure it out for myself.